


Finding Miwa

by QueerCannibal



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Everything up till the season 2 finale is the same, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Karai was never mutated, Major Character Injury, Physical Disability, Physical Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-18 23:13:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8179378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueerCannibal/pseuds/QueerCannibal
Summary: Karai is finally feeling as though she has found her place after the defeat of Shredder, living with her real father and adopted brothers. She is beginning to believe that her life is finally falling into place living with her family, and developing her relationship with April O'Neil.But fate is rarely kind, something that the universe intends to remind Karai with brutal harshness. When Karai is stripped of everything that made her who she was she is forced to face a future where she doesn't know who she is anymore. But with the help of her family, and April there is a small spark of hope that she'll be able to discover who she is now, and who she will be for the rest of her life.





	1. Peace

Chapter One

Dedicated to wombatking

The sounds of activity were the first thing that Karai heard in the mornings when she woke up. It had taken her a few weeks to adjust to living in her family’s sewer lair, but as she rolled onto her back on the padded mat and gazed up at the ceiling, she was proud to think that she was adjusting. She raised her arm above her head, spreading out her fingers and gazing at the ceiling in-between them as she listened to the ever-increasing volume of activity in the kitchen.

          She’d never felt like this before—so welcomed, as though she really belonged—as she did with her new family. Her true family. Her father and brothers hadn’t hesitated in trying to make her transition from being the Foot Clan leader to, not only member of their team, but a member of their family as easy as they could. She wasn’t very good at saying thank you, and hadn’t muttered it more than once even to her father, but felt immense gratitude towards them all regardless.

          _“Raph! Come on, that’s mine!”_

_“I grabbed it first! Go get your own!”_

          Karai smiled to herself at her brother’s bickering, then rolled gracefully to her feet, stretching her arms high above her head and swiveling her torso this way and that till her lower back stretched out and popped pleasantly. Things were certainly different here, but she didn’t think that that was a bad thing.

 

          Dressed in her simple black clothing, armor put away until needed, Karai left her small sleeping area and headed towards the kitchen. She wasn’t at all surprised to find her brothers arguing over the last slice of leftover pizza, and shook her head with a small smile tugging at her unpainted lips as she crossed to the fridge unnoticed.

          There was hardly ever anything decent in their fridge, but, once in a while, she found a surprise waiting for her—like fresh eggs. She plucked out two eggs from within the fridge’s depths, then closed the door and crossed towards the grimy stovetop. She lit the nearest burner and set the eggs on the counter.

          “Come on, man, you stole my pizza last night!” Mikey groused through gritted teeth as he was crushed under his brother’s weight, the coveted pizza slice just out of his reach.

          “I did not; I just stole back the piece you stole from me!” Raph quipped back, opening his mouth wide to enjoy the final slice of stale cold pizza. He swayed slightly with the effort of keeping Mikey at bay.

          With a flick of her wrist and fast reflexes, Karai snatched the pizza from between Raph’s fingers and leaned back against the counter triumphantly.

          “Hey!” the turtles snapped, eyeing her with surprise as they noticed her presence in the kitchen for the first time.

          She cocked a brow and smiled at them, waving the junk food tauntingly. “You snooze, you lose,” she mocked, opening her mouth as though about to take a bite, but then her gaze shifted to a spot behind the turtles. “Hey, catch,” she called, and tossed the pizza over the turtles’ heads and outstretched hands.

          “Oh!” April jumped slightly as she caught the slice of pizza, successfully avoiding getting any of its greasy contents on her clothes. “Well, thanks,” she said with a smile and took a bite out of the pizza. She made a slight face at the odd combination of flavors, but munched away dutifully as she ascended into the kitchen.

          “Aw, man, that was my breakfast!” Mikey whined, grunting when his brother climbed off of him.

          “Yeah, right,” Raph grumbled, crossing his arms.

          “It’s not really to my taste, but I didn’t get a chance to eat breakfast this morning, so I won’t complain,” April said licking her fingers as she finished off the slice of pizza. She came to stand near the stove where Karai had gone back to cooking her eggs.

          “Wish you’d said that before you scarfed that junk down. I would have made you eggs,” Karai said, smiling at the red-headed girl as she cracked the eggs over the heated frying pan.

          “Oh, that’s okay. I don’t really have time to stay anyway. I just wanted to stop by on my way to school,” April said with a good-natured smile.

          “But isn’t the lair a little out of, uh, your way, April?” Donnie inquired from the other side of the table, glancing towards the fridge where Mikey was now throwing out a number of random food selections for them to make for breakfast.

          “Maybe a little, but I thought it would be worth it.” April’s smile widened before she leaned in and gave a surprised Karai a kiss on the cheek. “It’s a short day today,” she said, more to Karai than the turtles, brushing a strand of lose red hair behind her ear. “So I’ll be here earlier than normal. Maybe we could get in some one-on-one practice before training with Master Splinter starts.” Her cheeks burned slightly.

          Karai felt her own cheeks burning with heat and turned her attention back to her eggs, her heart puttering a little faster than usual against her ribs. “Yeah, sounds good,” she said with a nod, shooting the other girl a sideways glance and a small smile.

          April beamed and turned to leave. “Thanks for the pizza. I’ll see you guys later!” She waved at the turtles and trotted off for the exit. “Say good morning to Master Splinter for me!” she called as she hopped over the guardrailing that blocked the rest of the sewer tunnel from the lair.

          “Bye, April!” Mikey called back, dropping a large stash of frozen pizza bites onto the table top.

          Donnie whined and lowered his head to the table.

          “Oh, come on, Donnie. Don’t act like that,” Leo sighed as he sat down at the end of the table and started sorting through the food options that Mikey had provided for them. “You know April still likes hanging out with us. Nothing’s changed.”

          Tuning in to the conversation behind her, Karai switched off the stovetop and turned to face her brothers. She crossed her arms to hold her elbows and leaned against the counter. “I’m sorry, Donnie. I know you like April…” She chewed on the inside of her cheek for a moment and looked away from the lanky turtle.

          She’d known for a long time how important April was to the turtles, having used the red-headed girl as bait on several occasions herself. But it also hadn’t taken her long to realize that Donatello had special feelings for the girl. The potential of hurting her brother had only briefly crossed her mind when she and April had started getting close—becoming friends. When April admitted that she’d always thought that Karai was really pretty, any thought of hurting her brother hadn’t even entered into Karai’s head.

          “Oh no, please don’t feel bad, Karai!” Donnie gasped, the gap between his teeth making a slight whistling sound that Karai was starting to find adorably charming. He shook his head and waved his hands rapidly at her. “I’m not upset with you, and I don’t blame you, or—or anything like that!” He deflated slightly and rubbed at the back of his head. “I mean, I just want April to be happy. And if getting close to you makes her happy, then who am I to try and mess that up?”

          “Besides what kind of big brother would you be if you ruined Karai’s first relationship, Donnie?” Mikey frowned and whacked the tallest turtle upside the head with a frozen pizza bite as he walked around the table towards the stove.

          Karai had to restrain a snicker. She wouldn’t be the one to spoil Mikey’s view of her by telling him that she’d indeed had other relationships before, though nothing quite like her relationship with April. They weren’t quite dating, but they were more than friends. She didn’t fully understand what they were becoming to one another, but she didn’t mind the way it made her feel.

          “Big brother?” Karai chuckled, turning to remove her frying pan from the stovetop. She slid the eggs onto a plate using a pair of chopsticks.

          “Well, yeah,” Mikey said happily as he opened up the frozen pizza bites and started laying them out on a dingy and beat-up baking sheet. “Leo’s the oldest, I’m the youngest, and you’re, like, the one right above me.”

          “Does that make me the middle child?” Raph asked, cocking a browridge in thought.

          “That would explain so much,” Leo teased.

          “Shut up!”

          “Whatever you say, Mikey,” Karai chuckled, taking a seat at the cluttered table and setting her plate down. “ _Itadakimasu_.” She cracked her chopsticks apart and starting in on her breakfast.

          She listened to the boys chatter and argue while she ate her breakfast, not really taking in most of what they were saying; her mind was playing the kiss April had given her on repeat. If she thought enough on it, she could have sworn that the spot where she had kissed her still felt warm—was tingling even.

 

          Karai had been living with her father and brothers in their sewer home for nearly three months—three glorious months since the defeat of her kidnapper, Shredder; three months of getting to know her true family and work with them to hunt down the rest of the Foot Clan. Sure, it had taken some getting used to, and there were still some things she wasn’t entirely adjusted to, but she knew that with more time everything would fall into place.

During her time living in the sewers, she had gotten closer with her brothers, even getting Raph to warm up to her more, and worked to form a bond with her father. She’d never felt so loved than when her father’s arms wrapped her up in a firm hug. Shredder had never shown her such warmth and kindness. All he’d ever given her was a harsh attitude and a lifetime’s worth of fighting skills—some of which she was now having to unlearn under her father’s watchful and keen eyes.

Along with getting closer with her family, Karai had also been making friends with April and even Casey, despite thinking that the latter was rather annoying and way too overconfident. It had taken April and Karai about a week to get over their past encounters and move forward as fellow students under Master Splinter; once they did, they both found, much to their pleasant surprise, that they worked rather well together.

          Where Karai had more training and skill, April knew Master Splinter’s technique—things that, when combined between the two of them, made them a rather formidable team. Sure, they weren’t really good enough yet to take on Leo and Raph two-on-two, but Karai didn’t doubt that once they’d learned more about each other and how they worked together, they’d be taking down the boys in no time.

          “Hey, Karai, wanna play some video games before morning training?” Leo asked, drawing Karai’s attention from her wandering thoughts.

          She blinked and sat up a little straighter in her chair to find that the turtles had finished their breakfasts and were making their way towards the living area. She glanced down at her own empty plate and stood up. “No, that’s okay.” She paused. “Thanks, though,” she added awkwardly as she put her plate in the sink—no doubt where it would fester until either Leo or Donnie couldn’t stand it any longer. Karai figured she’s beat them both to the clean up.

          “Okay, suit yourself,” Leo said with a shrug before turning and joining his brothers.

          Karai glanced fondly at the four mutants as she ascended the stairs towards the dojo and her father’s room.

\---

          The dojo was one of her favorite rooms in the entire lair. The lair was cool, charming even in it’s own way, but Karai found the dojo to be almost magical what with its giant bonsai tree growing up towards the ceiling, shafts of light filtering in through its thick leaves to dapple the decorated mats at its base.

          A quick glance around the room told her that her father was not there, so she crossed towards the sliding doors on the far end. Kneeling down and tucking her feet carefully underneath her, she bent over her knees slightly and cleared her throat.

          “Good morning, Father. I was wondering if I could speak with you.”

          A few silent seconds passed before the sliding door opened, and, as she straightened up, she found herself faced with her father.

          She couldn’t help the smile that tugged at her lips as she looked at him. Something warm and fluttering careened around her insides at the realization that it hadn’t all been a dream. She really was free of Shredder and the Foot, she really did have brothers, and this really was her father.

Sometimes she found it a bit silly and almost laughable at the fondness she felt for the man-sized rat, but then she told herself that it didn’t matter that her father was a mutant rat. That wasn’t a fact that changed how he felt towards her, nor how obviously happy he was to have her in his life again.

          “Miwa, good morning,” Splinter greeted her, ears perking up slightly as he looked down at her. “It is still a bit early for training; what is it that you wish to speak about without your brothers?”

          She felt her cheeks warm slightly at the sound of her birth name; she still wasn’t entirely comfortable going by that name yet. She didn’t think she would have permitted anyone but her father to call her by it.

          “It isn’t something that I couldn’t discuss in front of them,” she said shrugging one shoulder awkwardly. “But I thought that it was something that maybe we should talk about alone.” She cleared her throat and closed her eyes, trying to gather up her thoughts and steel her nerves. When she opened her eyes, she found her father watching her intently, as though memorizing every little bit of her features. She wondered if he too sometimes feared that it was all a dream, too good to be true.

          Taking a breath she took the plunge. “Father, I was wondering if you would object to my asking April out on a date,” she managed to get out, proud of herself for keeping her voice steady and not letting the words tumble past her teeth at an ungodly speed.

          Her father’s ears perked up a little straighter and his whiskers twitched as his brows rose a bit.

          She felt her guts twist nervously. “Um, like a date-date, not a friend-date,” she added awkwardly, her voice squeaking a little and forcing her to clear her throat.

          “I don’t think that that would be objectionable.”

          “It’s just that we’re getting along really well,” Karai said, her gaze wandering as she straightened up a little. Her heart hammered hard against her ribs. “And, when I thought about it, what’s the likelihood of me meeting anyone else that I got along well with, and, I mean, she’s very pretty and— Wait, what?” She blinked, pressing her hands against the tops of her knees as she leaned forward slightly. “What did you say?”

          Splinter chuckled. “I said that I don’t think asking April out would be objectionable.”

          “Y-You mean, you don’t mind?” Karai gaped, hardly daring to hope. “You don’t mind that…that we’re both girls?”

          “Why should I object to that?” he asked, ears quirking slightly as he tilted his head. He reached out and placed his clawed hand over Karai’s own hand gently. “All that matters to me, Miwa, is that you are happy,” he assured. “And April is a good girl; I think that you two work well together. If that extends to a more personal relationship, you two will be all the better for it.”

          She could hardly believe her good fortune; not only did her father not object to her desire to possibly date another girl, but he also quite approved of her choice. April wouldn’t have been the first girl that she’d shown interest in, but she never would have dared asked Shredder’s approval.

          Beaming, she gave a shallow bow. “Thank you.” When she straightened up, she was seized by an urge she didn’t even bother to fight down, and launched herself forward on her knees to wrap her arms around her father’s shoulders. “Thank you, Father,” she whispered against his fur, squeezing him slightly.

          There was a moment of surprised inaction before Splinter’s arms wrapped around her own shoulders and hugged her back. She felt his whiskers tickle at the side of her neck and ear.

          “I only want you to be happy, my daughter.”

\---

          “Okay, I’m here!” April announced loudly as she hop-skipped into the living area of the lair, dropping her school bag at the end of the nearest sofa and beaming at the group sitting around the television. “Did I miss anything exciting?” She glanced from the turtles to Master Splinter, who was sitting drinking tea on the far sofa, and then to Karai who was lounging back a few cushions away from him.

          “April, it’s terrible!” Mikey shrieked, grabbing onto her wrist and pulling at her arm gently, tears in his eyes. “A crazy woman showed up out of nowhere and said she’s Karen’s mother!”

          April made a momentarily confused face, glancing over the youngest turtle’s head towards the others.

          “And then she drugged and kidnapped Leann, like she wasn’t _already_ having enough stress dealing with her jerk of a father who came from the city to do nothing but complain!” Raph barked, flailing his arms angrily.

          April glanced towards Karai, who smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

          “Wait,” she scratched at her chin confusedly. “Isn’t Karen an alien from a planet billions of lightyears away?”

          Mikey nodded his head rapidly, sniffling and tugging on her arm again weakly.

          “But I thought her entire planet was dead.”

          “Exactly!” Donnie chimed in. “ _We_ know that this lady is lying or something, but she’s causing all sorts of trouble for Karen and her adopted family—”

          “Hey,” Raph snapped, causing Donnie to flinch and shrink where he sat. “Don’t call the Martins her adopted family!”

          “But, Raph, they are,” Leo argued, causing the shorter turtle to turn his rage on his other brother.

          “I don’t care!” Raph barked. “They’re more a family to Karen than even her own real family!”

          With a little effort, April managed to extract her arm from Mikey’s grip and cross towards the sofa, sitting down beside Karai and looking warily at the arguing turtles around the TV. She shook her head and straightened out her sleeve.

          “Is this all you guys have done today—watch _Meteorville_?” she asked turning her attention back to the other girl.

          Karai shrugged her shoulders and crossed her ankles. “No, we had a short early-morning training session, then lunch, then I joined Master Splinter in meditation, and then we started watching this while we were waiting for you,” she said with a warm and more confident smile.

          “I hope I didn’t miss anything important,” April said leaning forward in her seat slightly. Her attention was still mostly focused on Karai, but was starting to slip towards their master sipping his tea quietly a few cushions away.

          “We merely did some exercise drills—nothing that you have not done hundreds of times,” Splinter said, not glancing in April’s direction as he lowered his teacup to his lap. His eyes were focused on his squabbling sons and the TV program whose plot was unfolding without the notice of the turtles.

          April sat back in her seat again and sighed. “Aw, I’m still sorry I missed it.”

          “Karai.”

          Karai blinked and turned her gaze towards her father, who was still paying attention to the show on the television as he slowly raised his tea cup for another sip.

          “Why don’t you and April go do drills—to help April warm up before we begin our session,” he suggested, whiskers twitching slightly as the teacup met his mouth. A dark eye glanced sidelong at her knowingly.

          Karai had been pondering all day how she would get April alone to ask her out without the possibility of interruption, and she once again couldn’t believe how fortunate she was to be blessed with a father like Splinter. She knew that he would guarantee them some private time, even if he had to stall the turtles by telling them everything they’d missed during their argument.

          She smiled at him and nodded. “Of course, Master.” She stood and bowed to him before turning to April. “Come on.” She nodded her head towards the stairs for the dojo, and offered April a hand.

          April smiled and accepted it, standing from the sofa with Karai’s unnecessary help and straightening her shirt before the two headed for the stairs, leaving the boys and their master in the living room.

\---

          “Thanks for this, Karai. I really appreciate it,” April said as she withdrew her fan from her pants pocket and began stretching her arms above her head, using the fan as an extension of her arm.

          Karai was stretching her own shoulders as she crossed to the other end of the dojo, turning to stand beneath the bonsai tree. “No problem,” she assured. “I mean, it wouldn’t really be fair that we’d all gotten a good exercise and warm up session in and you were all stiff and tight from being in school for most of the day,” she teased.

          April made a face at her and widened her stance, extending the hand with the fan towards her. “Who’re you calling stiff, Karai?”

          “You. I mean, you spend your entire day sitting at a desk don’t you? That can’t be good for your health.”

          “Oh I assure you, my health’s just fine,” April teased back, smiling at Karai. “And I’m plenty loose.”

          “Oh yeah? How about we test that?”

          “Bring it.”

\---

          “But I don’t get it, why was the photograph at the end of the episode so important?” Mikey asked as Leo turned off the television and helped his brothers gather up their garbage to be thrown away.

          “Come on, Mikey, weren’t you paying attention to the beginning of the episode?” Raph asked, thumping Mikey on top of the head as he passed. He balled up his sandwich wrapper and lobbed it towards the large garbage can in the kitchen; the wrapper bounced off of the rim and onto the floor. Raph’s shoulders slumped and he growled in annoyance as Leo bent down and picked the wrapper up, pointedly dropping it into the trashcan.

          “You mean about the fact that Leann had a sister?” Mikey asked, standing in the middle of the living room and holding his empty pizza box with a look of perplexed confusion on his face.

          “Yes,” Splinter said with a nod as he stood from the sofa and looked down at the youngest turtle. “Do you not remember how Leann confessed to Karen that she was like the younger sister she’d always wished she’d had?”

          “Well yeah, but, I mean, Leann had a sister.”

          “Yes, but Leann also told Karen that her little sister had died when she was still an infant, leaving Leann with emotional trauma and guilt that has eaten away at her over the years?”

          “When did she mention the emotional trauma, Sensei?” Raph asked from the kitchen, where he was helping Donnie shove the trash down deeper into the can so that they wouldn’t have to empty it yet.

          Splinter’s gaze shifted towards his other son and he lifted a finger. “She did not say, but it is heavily implied in her writing so far this season. Now that we know that she had a sister, it is easy to tell why she sometimes acts the way she does.”

          “I still don’t get why the photo at the end was so important!” Mikey cried, recapturing Splinter’s attention.

          “Because the photograph in the locket was not a photo of Leann, but of her father with another child—a child who was quite a bit older than an infant,” he explained.

          Mikey’s eyes bulged in their sockets and he dropped his pizza box to slap his hands over his head. “Oh my _god_!” he shrieked. _“Does this mean that Leann’s sister didn’t really die when she was a baby, and her dad’s been lying this entire time?!”_

          “What?” Leo leaned over the back of the sofa behind Splinter, his own eyes wide. “No way!”

          “Wow, what an asshole,” Raph grumbled crossing his arms.

          Splinter stroked his thin beard and shook his head slightly. “We cannot be sure as of yet. It remains to be seen if this mysterious child is indeed Leann’s supposedly lost sister. Though, given that we know her father was not a very loyal husband, we may find that this is an entirely different unknown sibling,” he mused, looking down at his youngest son’s upset face.

          He chucked his empty tea cup behind him with force. The cup knocked hard against Raphael’s forehead, knocking the stocky turtle back a few steps before he caught the undamaged teacup in his hands and shook his head, slightly dazed.

          Splinter turned his attention towards his dazed son, ears flattened back slightly. “And do not use such language, Raphael!” he snapped, causing the other three turtles to snicker quietly.

          “Yes, sensei.” Raph bowed slightly in apology, turning to put the tea cup in the sink and rubbing the tender spot on his head where the cup had struck.

\---

          “You’re getting really good, O’Neil,” Karai panted, resting her hands on her knees as she tried to catch her breath.

          April was sprawled on her back in the middle of the dojo, fan resting a few feet away from her, her chest rising and falling rapidly with her own labored breathing. She had her left hand pressed between her ribs, fingers digging into a stitch that had formed there. She lifted up her right hand and gave Karai a weak thumbs-up before groaning and letting her arm fall.

          “I bet that, in another month, we’ll be able to take Raph and Leo,” Karai said as she crossed over to the floored girl, looking down at the redhead splayed out on the dojo mat. Her red hair was slipping from its tie to spread around her head like a slightly crooked halo.

          “You think?” April panted.

          “Oh yeah.” Karai nodded, offering the other girl a helping hand. “Five weeks top, and we’ll knock ’em on their asses.”

          “That sounds pretty good,” April panted, nodding back before reaching up to grip the other girl’s proffered hand. “Really good. But I’ll settle for knocking you on your ass.” She gave her arm a mighty yank.

          Karai gasped and fell over April, rolling so as not to crush her, and landed sprawled on the mat beside her. She looked at her with wide, surprised eyes before they both burst into laughter.

          “Yeah, well, don’t hold your breath on that one, O’Neil,” Karai teased, leaning up and resting her chin in her hand. “You’ve got a long way to go until you’re ready to take me on in a one-on-one fight.”

          “Oh yeah? I’m pretty sure I did pretty well against you the first time we met.”

          “Please.” Karai rolled her eyes, smiling at the other girl. “The subway stairs did more damage than you did.”

          “Oh yeah, let the stairs take all the credit,” April joked as she rolled onto her stomach so that she was lying shoulder-to-shoulder with the other girl. She rested her chin atop her knuckles and smiled contentedly at Karai.

          The two stayed there on the floor of the dojo in comfortable silence for a few moments, before Karai shifted slightly and crossed her arms on the mat in front of her before laying her head down. April followed suit and gazed at her from over her own bicep.

          “April, do you remember this morning? That, um, kiss you gave me in the kitchen?”

          “Yeah,” April said with a smile before her eyes widened slightly and she stiffened. “Oh no, did I embarrass you in front of the guys? Oh I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have, you just looked so cute, and I don’t think I’d ever seen you without your makeup on before—”

          “No, no, you didn’t embarrass me,” Karai assured, shaking her head quickly to try and put the other girl at ease. Admittedly, it _had_ embarrassed her a little bit, but not nearly enough to make the experience a bad one. On the contrary, she’d been thinking on and off about the kiss for most of the day.

          “Oh, I’m glad.” April relaxed a little as she gazed at the other girl.

          “It just got me thinking,” Karai continued, fiddling with a few loose strands of straw on the mat with her nail. “Well, we’ve been getting along really well over the last few months and, well…”

          “Yeah?”

          “I was wondering if maybe you’d…” Karai sucked in her lips before taking in a deep breath and making eye contact with the red-headed girl. “Maybe you’d like to go out on a date with me.” She felt herself grow impossibly still as she laid there on the floor of the dojo, waiting for the other girl’s response.

          April stared wide-eyed at her for what felt like an eternity—unmoving, unspeaking. Karai thought that she was going to go insane, but then April lifted her head off of her arms and looked down at her.

          “Yeah, I’d really like that,” April said with a nod.

          Karai’s head shot off of her arms and she lifted herself up onto her elbows. “Really?”

          “Yeah. I think it would be fun,” April said her cheeks flushing with a vivid red blush.

          Karai felt her own cheeks warming and she smiled widely at the other girl. “Oh my god, I’m so glad! I have no idea what we’ll do yet, but I promise you it’ll be fun!”

          April nodded and chuckled. “I think doing anything with you would be fun, Karai,” April assured, making the warmth that was burning in Karai’s cheeks spread to her ears.

          “I certainly hope so,” she managed to whisper as she leaned over into the other girl’s space, catching the briefest hint of the spiced applesauce she’d had at lunch before their lips met.

          April made a small noise of surprise but didn’t pull away, instead adding a little pressure of her own against Karai’s lips.

          Her eyes fluttered closed as they shared their first real kiss. Karai felt as though her head were spinning and the room tilting all at once as her own eyes fell closed. She’d never shared a kiss like this with anyone before, and she was pretty sure she never wanted the feeling to end.

\---

          “We will do two five-minute drills before splitting into teams,” Splinter announced as he crossed the dojo to stand beneath the bonsai tree, his six students kneeling in the center of the room. They all bowed forward slightly, heads tilted downward and eyes closed.

          “Hai, sensei!” they chorused.

          Karai lifted her face slightly, catching Splinter’s gaze. She gave a quick wink before standing with the others and getting into position to begin the drills.

          Splinter allowed himself a small smile before straightening himself a bit more, whiskers twitching, ears straight up.

          “Begin!”

 

 

* * *

Authors Note: Thanks to UnderdogAngel for beta reading this for me, you're a doll. Also, for anyone who might be curious, the television show Meteorville that the turtles are watching is a parody of Smallville. I couldn't resist, and I regret nothing.        

 

 

 


	2. A Storm

Chapter Two

 

          Despite Master Splinter’s different approach to training, Karai could see why, no matter what life or aliens or Shredder had ever thrown the turtles’ way, they made it through. They may have gotten hurt sometimes, may have been worn thin, may have lost nearly everything—but they survived. Karai was almost certain it was due to the close bonds that they all shared; not just with Splinter, but with each other. They were more than clan; they were family, all of them—April and Casey included.

          Karai knelt on the mat beside April and her brothers, watching while her father showed Casey Jones the basics of defense and offense. It was something that they had all agreed he needed to learn, even if only secretly amongst themselves.

          Casey, unlike the rest of them, had never had any practical training in fighting styles. That wasn’t to say that he couldn’t hold his own. Unlike April, who had basically started from nothing, Casey _did_ have his hockey training, which was impressive and, if combined with actual fighting knowledge, would no doubt be quite formidable.

          While Karai observed, she found her gaze drifting from her father and Casey to the girl kneeling beside her. April looked as lovely as she always did, red hair pulled back into a ponytail, small smile curling her lips as she watched her friend get dropped to the mat over and over again.

          Karai wondered what it was that drew her to April. Even from the first time she saw her, back when she was still with the Foot and trying to capture April for one reason or another, she’d found the girl oddly appealing. At first, she hadn’t put much thought into it; maybe April was just pretty, she figured. Perhaps it had only been simple attraction. But, now that she was getting to know the other girl better, she was sure that that wasn’t it. At least, not entirely.

          There was just something so incredibly special about April, and not that she was a psychic mutant—some strange byproduct of alien experimentation. Whatever was special about April O’Neil was strictly a characteristic of _her_. Karai had never felt this pull towards anyone else, not even the few people she’d experimented with whenever she could risk not being the leader of the Foot and actually be a young person who was growing and changing.

          Karai felt herself smile when April glanced her way, her smile widening slightly as they made eye contact for a brief moment. April wrinkled her nose slightly as she made a silly face in Karai’s direction before dutifully turning her attention back to their Sensei. Karai felt her heart flutter and wondered how she’d been so fortunate. She reached across the space between them, her fingers inching across the mat, and she gently poked the other girl’s calf with her pinky. For a split second, she wasn’t sure that the other girl had noticed, but, without looking at her, April slid her hand from her thigh and interlocked their fingers.

          It had only been a few weeks since Karai had asked April out on a date—a date that had consisted of a simple meal on the rooftop of April’s apartment building and catching a late-night movie at the theater. All in all, Karai didn’t think she’d ever had a better time. April was like a ray of sunshine, and Karai felt like a slightly withered plant eagerly absorbing her light.

          A loud thump and a groan drew Karai’s attention back to the middle of the dojo, where Casey was once again on the floor. Whatever had happened must have been a glorious fail, because April and the turtles burst out laughing. Karai smiled at the obvious frustration written all over Casey’s face. He didn’t take losing well, and she knew that training with Master Splinter would no doubt greatly frustrate him.

          “Nice going, Casey!” Leo laughed, not exactly being ill-humored.

          “How’s that mat tasting, Jones?” Raph crowed.

          “Even a white belt should have been able to avoid that!” Donnie cackled.

          April, for her part, kept her thoughts to herself; though Karai could tell at a glance how much force of will it was taking the other girl to keep from laughing too raucously, her cheeks turning red with the effort.

          Casey rolled onto his stomach and glared angrily in their direction, grinding his teeth together as he rigidly climbed back to his feet. His shoulders were stiff and he looked ready to shove his set-aside hockey sticks into painful places.

          “Oh, shut up! This is harder than it looks, okay?!” the hockey-player-turned-vigilante barked, his words going mostly unnoticed by the still-cackling turtles.

          April’s eyes widened and she quickly wiped the humor from her face, and, out of the corner of her eye, Karai could see why. If April’s expression hadn’t given him away, Karai probably wouldn’t have noticed her father move from behind Casey to behind the turtles.

          “ _Shizukani shite!_ ” Splinter snapped, smacking the turtles upside the backs of the heads in one quick motion. “That is no way to treat your friend.”

          “Hai, Sensei.”

          “Sorry, Sensei.”

          “Sorry, Casey.”

          “Yeah, sorry,” the turtles grumbled together, looking sullen and apologetic.

          Then Splinter turned his sharp amber eyes towards April and Karai, and Karai wondered for a brief moment if they were going to get slapped as well.

          “You’re righ,m Sensei,” April said, releasing Karai’s hand and getting to her feet. She bowed lightly in Splinter’s direction before turning to look at Casey. “Sorry, Casey, I shouldn’t have laughed.” She walked over towards the irritable boy and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I should know better than anyone else here what you’re going through—being so new to all of this still myself. You’ll get this,” she said with an assuring and bracing smile. She looked back at Splinter. “You’ve got the best teacher. And the best friends and teammates to help you along.” She pointed looked at the rest of the team. “Isn’t that, right?”

          “Yeah,” Leo said with a nod, getting to his feet as well and crossing the mat towards them. “You’ll get the basics in no time. I noticed that your balance is a little off; you should really make your stance a little wider. It’s just like when you’re on the ice—balance is always the key.” The oldest of the turtles spread his own legs and lowered himself into a stable, wide stance for Casey to mimic.

          “You’d think this would be less awkward without ice skates,” Casey grumbled.

          Karai couldn’t help but smile at the teenage boy; he might have been a bit of a complainer, but there was no doubt that he had drive. That would probably be the one thing that took him the farthest the fastest: his sheer determination to prove himself.

 

          “I think it’s nice that you’ve taken Jones under you wing. He’ll benefit from your training,” Karai said conversationally, walking relaxed laps around the dojo beside her father.

          The fight against Shredder had taken its toll on all of them in one way or another, but it had perhaps affected Splinter most of all. Not only had the confrontation caused him physical injury, one he was still recovering from, but also emotional and spiritual upset. Karai couldn’t pretend to fully understand, as she herself was still adjusting to the fact that the stories she’d been told growing up were all lies, but she tried to be sympathetic.

          “He certainly has drive, but he lacks focus,” Splinter replied simply, his gait slow but steady. Even simple exercises as walking were good to do to strengthen himself, but he also knew not to push the muscles too much until they were ready.

          “Yes,” Karai agreed, clasping her hands behind her back. She could hear the pitching and diving hum of the television beneath the dojo, where her brothers and friends had gone to relax and enjoy themselves after their training. She could hardly believe how much downtime they all really took; they were obviously skilled, but she felt almost lazy living in the lair, as though she weren’t doing enough. It made her restless.

          “Father, may I ask you something?”

          “You are wondering why I agreed to take on Casey Jones as a student?”

          “Yes, but not just him; why did you take on April, and beyond that, why did you start training the turtle in the art of ninjutsu?” The questions seemed to tumble out of her faster than she could move to stop them. She paused and grimaced slightly. She hated asking her father so many questions at once; it made her sound impatient—which, if she were to be honest, she was.

          Splinter continued on a few feet before pausing himself and turning to look back at her. “Casey has been working with our family for long months, and has put himself into dangerous situations with little concern for his own safety. He needs to learn how to protect himself, hold his own.” He made a vague gesture with his hand, looking up towards the towering bonsai tree growing through the middle of the dojo. “He needs to be able to protect himself when we will not be there. I hope that we always will be, but there is no guarantee.”

          “That’s wise.”

          “He is foolish and impulsive. I do not want him to get hurt, or get April or my sons hurt. Or you,” Splinter said, looking back towards Karai, who felt herself warm slightly.

          She loosely folded her arms over her chest, clasping her elbows as she joined him at his side. “And April? The turtles?” she asked tentatively, curious as to how much she could get her father to reveal. Neither Splinter nor Shredder were big conversationalists, but Karai felt that Splinter was more willing to talk. She didn’t know why, but she felt less reluctant to ask her questions, even if she might not get an answer right away.

          “In April’s case, the circumstances called for it. She needed protection, a safe place to go to, a family. And as far as the turtles…” He sighed and reached out to her, placing his clawed hand on her shoulder in a gesture she was beginning to recognize for what it was: the thing that her father did when he couldn’t bring himself to hug any of them. “I believed that I had lost everything—my clan, your mother, you.”

          Karai felt her chest tighten at the haunting look that flashed behind his eyes, and his fingers tightened on her shoulder slightly.

          “Soon after, I’d lost the new life that I had been trying to start. All I had were four baby turtles, who, thanks to the mutagen, were developing human intelligence.”

          “So, you just…decided to teach them ninjutsu?” she asked with a crooked smile, hoping to alleviate some of the tension she could feel descending upon the dojo.

          The corner of Splinter’s mouth quirked upwards slightly and he shook his head, releasing her shoulder. “No. I decided to find us a suitable place to live. I decided to help the turtles, help them grow, teach them how to survive. It was not until they were a little older that I decided to train them in the art of ninjutsu. By that point, we had grown together as a family. The boys regarded me as their father, and I regarded them as my sons. It felt only right to pass on what I knew. Despite the turtles not being my blood, they would continue the Hamato traditions.”

          “That’s…” Karai hunted around for the word she was looking for, eventually landing on, “noble.”

          “I also knew that, someday, they would wish to go up to the surface, and they would need to be able to defend themselves.”

          She couldn’t help but chuckle at the seriousness behind her father’s words and shook her head, sighing contentedly to herself. “You’re amazing,” she said, and stepped forward to hug him, her cheek pressed against the soft material of his robe. “I hope someday to be as wise and as kind as you.” She released him and took a few steps back. “April and I are going out on patrol tonight; the turtles want to watch the newest episode of that _Meteorville_ show.”

          “Take your T-phone.”

          “We will. If anything happens, we’ll call, or you’ll call. The city’s been pretty quiet; I don’t think we’ll have any problems,” she said with a smile, bowing and backing out of the dojo before spinning and heading down the stairs.

 

          April was leaning over the back of the sofa, watching the television idly, but, when she spotted Karai out of the corner of her eye, she straightened up and smiled. “Okay, guys, we’re off,” she said to the turtles, stepping back from the sofa.

          “Okay.”

          “Be safe.”

          “Call us if you need us.”

          “WE LOVE YOU!” the turtles chorused, attention still glued to the television. Mikey was the one that shouted above the others in his Mikey fashion, and it made Karai’s stomach turn happily as April giggled.

          “Come on, let’s go,” the red-head said, gesturing towards the exit and grabbing up her bag, fan tucked away on her person.

 

\---

 

          As predicted, their patrol reaped very little action. The city had been quiet for weeks—particularly quiet for days—, and any leads involving the Foot Clan had been going colder and colder.

          It frustrated Karai to no end, not being able to bring down the lot of those traitors—those who had knowingly and willingly betrayed the Hamato Clan. It made her physically ill to think about it, that the people she’d grown up around, the people she had trained with, the people she had lead into confrontations with the turtles were traitors. It went against everything she had ever learned as a ninja. Honor and loyalty were the staple of her belief system, and, though she was sure that would never change, she felt betrayed right down to her bones.

          “Well, this is boring,” April sighed, stretching her arms above her head with a long groan before letting her forearms rest on the crown of her skull. “What I wouldn’t give to run into even the Purple Dragons.”

          “Really?” Karai couldn’t quite restrain the sarcasm from her voice.

          April shrugged her shoulders, letting her arms drop, and smiled. “Hey, they maybe lame but at least we’d get some exercise,” she said, leaning back on the edge of the roof they’d been loitering on.

          Karai’s gazed drifted above the other girl’s head, and a thought occurred to her. “So you want some exercise, O’Neil?” 

          “I don’t want to fight you, Karai. We’ve done our training for the day,” April said, standing up and raising a hand. “I just don’t want to spend the next four hours sitting on a rooftop with nothing to do.”

          “I wasn’t going to suggest we fight,” Karai replied, turning April around by the shoulder and pointing towards the horizon. “Why don’t we go for a swim?” she suggested, shooting the other girl a sidelong smile.

          “I didn’t pack a bathing suit.” April returned the smile as Karai released her shoulder and stepped onto the edge of the building.

          “Neither did I.”

 

\---

 

          “Come on, April! You can swim, can’t you?” Karai teased as she made her way across the sand, her hips swaying a little more than they would usually as she sank with each step.

          “Of course I can swim,” April replied, glancing nervously around the section of beach they’d come upon.

          Karai spun around and walked backwards, her gait a little slower as her eyes focused in on the red-head. “Then what are you waiting for? There’s no one else here,” Karai assured, crossing her arms at the bottom of her shirt and pulling it up over her head, revealing the simple white bra and binding underneath.

          April swallowed, her nerves still a-tingle, but nodded and began making her way across the beach after the other girl. She began removing her own clothes as she went, staggering occasionally due to the awkwardness of attempting to strip and walk at the same time.

          Karai beamed at her when she finally caught up. “We won’t be long, don’t worry,” she assured, folding her clothes and setting them down on the beach. April thought she looked rather ethereal in nothing but her white binding and underwear, her skin almost aglow against the backdrop of the ocean behind her. “We’ll just take a quick swim and be gone before anyone has a chance to see you in your underwear.”

          “So…you don’t count then?” April asked as she folded her own clothes and set them beside the other girl’s, feeling only slightly self-conscious about her purple and black star underpants.

          “Oh, I count,” Karai teased, eyeing the paler girl in her undressed glory and mismatching underwear. “But in all the best possible ways.” She waggled her eyebrows before turning and trotting towards the water’s edge.

          April felt herself blush but shook it off and followed the other girl.

          With little hesitation, Karai waded in to about the middle of thighs before diving in. She momentarily disappearing beneath the water, then resurfaced a few seconds later and a bit farther out. She stood up, the water lapping at her collarbone.

          “C’mon, April! Don’t just stand there,” she called, shifting so she could keep the beach and April, as well as the rest of the vast ocean, in her view.

          “It’s cold!” April squealed, shivering as the cold water lapped against her warm knees.

          “It won’t be if you just get it over with!” Karai called louder.

          April made a face before taking a few more wide steps and jumping the rest of the way in. She popped up out of the water a second later, squealing and laughing, moving to join Karai.

          “Still cold!” she laughed, causing Karai to chuckle.

          “I think it feels nice, but it _is_ cold,” she admitted. “Summers aren’t as hot here as they were back in Japan,” she said as they waded together, dragging their toes in the soft sand and occasionally kicking up seashells or discarded glass bottles.

          “Do you miss it?” April asked as she kicked off of the sand bank and swam out a little ways.

          Karai followed her, swimming circles around the red-head when she finally decided she’d gone out far enough. “Yes. New York is amazing, but I do miss Japan,” she admitted.

          April followed her, spinning on the spot, her toes just shy of being able to touch the sandy bottom. “Do… Do you think you’ll go back?” April tried to keep the selfish concern out of her voice, but didn’t think she was entirely successful.

          Karai turned her head to look at April more directly, still swimming small laps around her.

          “I miss Japan, but there are so many memories that are bitter for me now. I don’t think I could ever go back. At least, not for a long time.” She paddled a little closer to the other girl and took April’s hand. “But maybe, someday, I could take you back to Japan with me, and show you the beauty of where I grew up.”

          April smiled. “I’d like that.”

          Releasing April’s hand, Karai took a few strokes backwards, pulling herself away from the other girl. “Now come on, O’Neil, let’s see what you’ve got.” She splashed the other girl, who spluttered and laughed.

          “Oh, is that how it is?”

          “That’s how it is.”

          “Okay, you asked for it, Karai!” April playfully growled before lunging forward to try and catch the other girl, who rolled on the spot and began swimming away from her.

 

          The two girls swam and chased each other for awhile, splashing and laughing, not caring or thinking about potential sunburns, or how the salty ocean water would dry out their skin. They swam in circles, one chasing, and the other fleeing. They splashed each other, dunked each other, and eventually started attempting to do underwater tricks—something that was considerably harder to do against the ocean’s current rather than in a placid, chlorinated pool.

 

          “Ah, we should probably head back,” April said after awhile, licking her lips and cringing at how salty they were. “It’s getting late.”

          “Okay, sounds good,” Karai said with a nod. “I’m going to do a few more dives and laps, but I’ll follow you.”

          “Okay.” April nodded back, swimming backwards slowly towards the shallows. She kept her feet lifted even after she was sure she could touch the sandy bottom.

          April watched Karai over her shoulder, admiring how graceful she could be—on both land and water. April wondered if it was due to her training in ninjutsu, or if it was all about confidence; either way, she doubted that she’d ever be so graceful.

         

          The contrast between the top of the ocean and beneath its surface was stark. Above, the sparkling water was a roar of wind on waves, of sea bird cries, and the semi-distant sound of city life. Beneath the waves, all was muted to a dull but continual hum; there was no distinction between the hum of the ocean itself and the creatures that lived in it. The shift between the two extremes of below and above were exhilarating and alarming each and every time Karai’s head broke the surface.

          She glanced back towards April waiting not too far away, then took in a deep lungful of air and dived beneath the waves again. April was like a buoy, the point in the ocean she watched to keep herself from drifting too far away in any direction. Each time she would surface, she would glance to find where the girl was standing, always keeping her position at the forefront of her mind.

          Moving through the water, the hum loud in her ears, colors slightly muted beneath the waves, Karai swam and moved with the grace and strength of someone who had swam in the ocean many times before. She wasn’t uncomfortable beneath the waves; she was confident in her swimming skills, but comfort, confidence, and skills weren’t always enough to face the unknown.

          She turned herself around prepared to surface and head back towards the beach. Then, suddenly, she felt the weight of it pressing against her shoulder before she registered the growing humming of the current, and only had a second to register that something was wrong before she was caught in the current.

          She was forced over and under, closing her eyes as the undersea world was flipped upside-down, and she was dragged into the undertow. Her heart pounded rapidly, her lungs burned, her instincts screamed at her to struggle, to try and pull away—an instinct she was only able to fight off for a split second before succumbing.

          She became disoriented as she was flipped over and over, her body spinning out of her control as the water seemed to push on her from all sides. Panic rose inside of her, and she attempted to swim to the surface, never exactly sure if she were going in the right direction.

          With a yell of panic and surprise, the bubble of air in her lungs escaped, blinding her further as she was crushed into the sandbar beneath the surf. She registered the hit, the dull ache of impact before she lost all coherent thought.

 

          April waved her arms steadily atop the water, her toes shifting in the sand as she attempted to anchor herself against the bobbing current. She frowned as she scanned the top of the water; Karai hadn’t come back up.

          “Karai?” She felt her heart begin to beat a little faster against her ribs, as she turned on the spot, looking all around her, towards the beach, then back out towards the open ocean. “Karai!” she yelled, panic beginning to set into her veins as she registered that something was wrong. _“KARAI!”_ she screamed, pushing off from the sand and moving towards the last place she’d seen the other girl.

          “Oh god, oh god, oh god, _Karai_!” She spun around, trying to keep herself in place, a much more difficult task now that she couldn’t touch the sand beneath the surf. Blood seemed to rush to her ears and her eyes began to burn, tears welling up and blurring her vision. A thousand terrible scenarios were playing at the forefront of her mind, though she hardly registered that they were there as they whipped through her thoughts.

          “KAR—” She gasped, blinking away her tears as her eyes grew wider. She could see the other girl’s body bobbing atop the water’s surface, rising and falling with the current. _“KARAI!”_

          She swam as fast as she could towards her. She grabbed the other girl, rolling her onto her back and attempting to swim back towards the shore—not an easy feat as she dragged the dead weight of the other girl behind her. “It’s okay! It’s okay, we’re almost there!” April panted, digging her feet into the sand the moment her toes were able to reach, and using her legs to help pull the two of them towards the beach.

          Still dragging the unconscious girl behind her, April clawed her way onto the beach, hands and knees digging into the sand as she attempted to get them away from the pull of the water. She put herself between the unconscious girl and the ocean, shakily beginning looking her over.

          Karai was pale—skin clammy, plastered messily across her face. April tried to brush the wet, sandy locks away with care, but her shaking fingers wouldn’t permit it.

          “Karai? Karai?” She leaned down and listened for the sound of the other girl’s breath, and then against her chest to listen for a heartbeat. The beat was there—barely audible, but there. “No, no, no.” April straightened up, pushing her own lose strands of hair out of her face before leaning back down and pressing her lips against Karai’s.

          It had been a while since April had taken a CPR class; regardless, if she followed all of the procedures step-by-step exactly as her instructor had told her, she figured anything could help. She straightened back up and pumped the other girl’s chest firmly five times before going back to forcing air into her lungs.

          “Come on, Karai, don’t do this to me!”

          April repeated the process a few more times before the other girl’s eyes snapped open and she coughed up seawater.

          “Oh my god, Karai! Are you okay?” April practically sobbed, tilting the other girl’s head to the side as she continued to hack and cough, her breathing raspy as her lungs tried to drag in much-needed air.

          “A-April…”

          “I’m here! It’s okay, you’re okay.”

          “I— I can’t move,” Karai gasped, panic wrinkling her brow as widening her watery eyes.

          “Oh, god, don’t worry, it’ll be okay! Just lay still!” April weakly climbed to her feet, her knees trembling terribly. “I’ll be right back, I promise, just…hold on,” she called as she staggered up the beach towards their pile of clothes. Tearing her T-phone from the folds of her clothes, she quickly ran back to the other girl, dropping down onto the sand and dialing 911.

          “It’s okay, it’s okay, you’re going to be fine,” April assured as she held the other girl’s hand. She pressed the phone hard against her ear. “Hello? Hello! Please, you have to help me! My friend almost drowned,” she cried into the mouthpiece, tears spilling freely down her cheeks as she informed the dispatcher where they were. “Please hurry, I think she’s hurt really bad!”

          “A-April,” Karai said quietly, her eyes still wide as she gazed up at the sky, the other girl going in and out of her line of sight as she rocked back and forth sobbing into the phone. “April—”

          “It’s going to be okay, you’ll be fine. The ambulance is on its way, you’ll be okay,” April tried to reassure, holding the other girl’s hand firmly in her own, and carefully petting her wet, sandy hair out of her face.

          “April, I’m scared,” Karai whimpered, her voice sounding small as tears started to slide down along the sides of her face.

          “It’ll be okay, I’m right here, I’ll be with you the whole time.”

          “W-Will you hold my hand?”

          April blinked, surprised, and leaned forward slightly, gently thumbing the tears from the corner of Karai’s eyes.

          “I _am_ holding your hand.”

          “R-Really, please. I’m really scared, April. Please hold my hand.”

          “Karai, I… I am holding your hand, see?” April lifted their interlocked hands, a dawning fear beginning to gnaw at her insides as the pressure around her heart began to increase.

          Karai’s eyes wavered slightly as she looked at their interlocked fingers, the tears welling up larger and falling faster than before as she drew a shuddering breath. “O-oh, oh god... April, A-April I can’t feel it,” Karai stuttered. “I can’t feel your hand. Oh my god, oh my god.”

          “It— It’ll, it’s…” April sobbed, squeezing her hand tighter. “It’s okay, it’ll be okay,” she cried, the sound of approaching sirens doing little to reassure her that things would in fact be alright. “You’ll be fine, they’ll help you, and you’ll be fine. I’ll be with you the entire time,” she repeated over and over again like a prayer, holding tightly onto Karai, who sobbed and gasped on the sand.

         

          The ambulance ride was a claustrophobic blur for April, who remembered very little beyond Karai crying for her to stay with her, and the EMTs asking exactly what had happened. April did her best to reassure her friend, beginning to feel numb inside, and tell the EMTs what she could since Karai couldn’t. She was really only aware of holding the other girl’s cold hand in her own, and the fact that she couldn’t seem to find room to shift.

 

\---

 

          April stood in the ER’s information room, the woman behind the desk taking down as much information as April could provide. She didn’t know Karai’s exact birthdate; only Splinter would know that. She didn’t know if the other girl had any allergies, or had been or was on any medication. She didn’t even know if Karai had medical insurance.

          “I don’t know,” was all she seemed to be able to say, over and over again in a deadened and quiet whisper. She’d had a clear moment in which she’d remembered to grab their clothes, and clung to Karai’s folded sandy bundle like a security blanket. Her own clothes did very little to keep away the shivers.

          “Do you know how I can contact her next of kin? Any emergency contacts?” the lady behind the desk asked, sounding a little exasperated, but otherwise not unfriendly.

          April’s lip trembled and she shook her head. “No, I’m— I’m her emergency contact. Her…her dad’s dead, the rest of her family’s in Japan… I don’t know how to get ahold of them.”

          “All right, thank you. Please take a seat; it might be a little while,” the woman said, gesturing towards the chairs along the back wall. “Do you want anything? Something warm to drink, a blanket?” She offered, but April merely shook her head.

          “I… I need to make a phone call,” she mumbled, then turned and left the room.

          “Are you sure I can’t get you anything?” the woman called after her, but April ignored her.

          She walked along the hall, and paused beside a payphone. Glancing up and down the hall first, April pulled out her T-phone and leaned against the wall, dialing the first number that popped up in her contacts list.

          The phone seemed to ring forever, and April feared that no one would answer, but then, like a miracle, the line went live.

          “D-Donnie,” she whispered, her voice trembling. “D-Donnie, I-I need to talk to Master Splinter…p-please,” she gasped, her breath stuttering as she tried to keep the sobs at bay.

          She listened a moment as Donnie moved, talking to the others, who asked what was going on but received no answer. Donnie called for Splinter, and she heard the sound of the doors to the dojo opening, and him informing their Master that it was April.

          “ _Moshi moshi._ ”

          April let out a little gasp at the sound of their Master’s voice, and held onto the phone a little tighter.

          “April? April, can you hear me? What is wrong?”

          “Master Splinter,” she gasped, her chest tightening and forcing out a dry sob. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, oh my god.” April clung to the phone with both hands, fresh tears rolling down her face. “I’m so sorry,” she gasped, sobbing uncontrollably into the phone.

          “April, April what is wrong? What has happened? Are you alright?”

          “It’s K-Karai,” she managed to gasp out between sobs, sliding down the wall as her knees trembled and would no longer support her weight. “Oh my god.”

          “April, where are you?”

          “I’m sorry.”


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

 

          It was perhaps the longest evening of April’s life. After she hung up with Splinter, she sat alone, guilt gnawing away at her. She knew that she had to tell him; Karai was his daughter. But after she hung up, it occurred to her that it had probably been cruel. Splinter couldn’t do anything to help either of them. He couldn’t come to the hospital, he couldn’t be there to support April or wait and worry to hear news about Karai…

          April sat in the ER waiting room, arms wrapped around herself, salty-sandy hair tied back in a messy ponytail. She had eventually accepted the receptionist’s offer of a warm blanket. She wrapped the blanket loosely around her shoulders, her cup of coffee forgotten on the floor beside her chair.

          “Hey, April.”

          She started, looking up when Casey skidded into the room. She blinked at him as he crossed the waiting room and fell into the chair beside her, leaning over his knees to look at her.

          “Casey?”

          “Are you okay?” he asked, brows furrowed slightly in concern as he looked at her. He looked her up and down, leaning down to pick up her coffee and test the heat of it through the cup. “Do you want me to get you a fresh cup?”

          She nodded vaguely at him. He smiled and set the cold cup on the table by his chair as he stood. He fished change out of his back pocket as he moved towards the coffee machine.

          “Casey, what are you doing here?”

          “Splinter sent me,” he said quietly as he punched in the coffee order and waited for the machine to stop its thunking and sputtering. “They’re all really worried. Have you heard anything?” He gathered up her fresh cup of coffee, put the lid on it carefully, and turned to hand it to her.

          She accepted it and held the hot cup between her hands, letting the heat seep into her hands and travel up to her elbows. Then she shook her head, sniffing.

          “I’m sure that everything will be okay,” Casey said, taking the corners of her blanket and pulling it tighter around her before sitting back down in the seat beside her.

          She looked at him and he smiled at her. “I hope so. I’m so scared, Casey.” She sniffed, fresh tears beading at the corner of her eyes.

          Casey looked at her worriedly.

          “What if… What if something really bad happens?”

          “Hey, don’t think like that.” He reached out and gripped her shoulder. “I mean, we don’t know, but there’s no reason to put that out there, y’know? Besides, what would Splinter say?”

          “Whatever will happen will happen.” She sniffed and wiped the tears from her eyes, the skin beneath her eyes burning at the salty contact. She’d rubbed her eyes raw over the last hour and a half.

          “Exactly.” Casey nodded, picking up the cold cup of coffee and sipping at it, grimacing a little; it wasn’t the best brew he’d ever tasted. “And, no matter what happens, we’ll deal with it.”

          “Casey, what if they start asking more questions? I don’t even know if Karai’s supposed to be here,” April whispered. “I mean, what if she was here illegally?” It honestly wouldn’t have surprised April if Shredder and the Foot had come to the country illegally.

          “They’re not going to ask too many questions. And, if they do, we’ll deal with that too,” Casey said, though his brow was wrinkled with slight worry.

          “I don’t even know if she has medical insurance. This is going to cost a fortune.”

          “Well, if she’s here illegally, she won’t have to pay it,” he said with a weak chuckle, which he quickly smothered and cleared his throat. “Sorry, I know. But we’ll figure it out. I mean, me and you could always get a day job. And don’t the turtles have some money? They’d have to—to buy all that pizza.”

          “Splinter has a little money. Not much. His bank account is still open from when he first moved to New York, but he doesn’t have enough for this. The ambulance ride alone would more than tap out his account.”

          “Maybe we could see if there’s anything left in any of the Foot Clan’s hidden lairs. I mean, they had quite a bit of money.”

          “Illegal money.”

          “Do we really have a choice?”

          “No.” April wheezed, lifting her steaming cup of coffee and carefully sipping at it. It burned her tongue and throat as it went down, but she didn’t care; the burn was better than the cold and clammy numbness she was feeling.

 

          Casey waited with April in the ER waiting room for another three hours before anyone came to check on them. It was a plump nurse in burgundy scrubs who shuffled in to talk to them, clipboard in hand. Casey tapped April; she’d dozed off against his shoulder. But she was immediately up on her feet, blanket falling from her shoulders and onto the floor.

          “Are you April O’Neill?”

          “Yes. Please, what about Karai?”

          “She’s out of surgery—”

          “Surgery...” April snatched at Casey’s hand and squeezed it almost painfully, but he didn’t even grimace.

          The nurse nodded. “She isn’t out of the woods yet, but she’s in recovery right now.”

          “Will she be okay?”

          “The doctor is hopeful that she’s come out of the surgery all right, but as to whether she’ll be okay—”

          “Please, what’s happened to Karai?” April pleaded, voice hoarse and broken.

          The nurse looked pitifully at the two teenagers, pressing the clipboard against her chest.

          “The doctor could tell you more, but it looks as though your friend did severe damage to her spinal cord—”       

          “Her spine,” Casey muttered quietly, his own voice sounding shaken.

          “It is very likely that she’ll be paralyzed, but we won’t know for sure until she wakes up.”

          “Paralyzed?” April gasped, her breathing stuttering and getting stuck in her lungs as a fresh wave of horror and disbelief washed over her. “Paralyzed, oh god…no, no this can’t…no…” she stuttered, choking on her own breath as tears began to pour down her cheeks. “Oh god, no please no,” she sobbed, clenching her eyes closed as grief overwhelmed her. She felt Casey wrap his arms around her and her knees gave out, but he held her tight against him.

          “I’m sorry,” the nurse said from what sounded like a great distance away as April pressed herself against Casey, sobbing uncontrollably into his paint-stained hoodie.

          “Shhh, we don’t know anything yet,” he tried to comfort, his own voice shaky as he held her. He ushered her carefully back to her chair, still holding her close. “We don’t know anything yet. There’s still a chance.”

 

\---

 

          Once April had calmed down, Casey made a second phone call to the turtles and Splinter to update them on the situation. He tried to stress that they didn’t know anything for sure yet. Then he returned to sit with April, the two electing to stay until Karai woke up so that they could see her. It was a long and grueling hour before they were informed that Karai had been moved into a private room, and that they could see her after the doctor talked to her.

 

          Karai was awake when they were finally permitted to see her. They entered the dimly-lit hospital room slowly. Karai was reclined in the hospital bed, pillow propping her head up. She was connected to more machines than April thought possible, all monitoring everything from her breathing and heart rate to chemical levels and medicine dosages.

          Karai’s honey-colored eyes flickered towards them as they entered. Casey closed the door carefully behind them, looking awkward and out of place as he glanced warily around the hospital room.

          “Karai,” April whispered as she approached the bed, looking down at the girl attached to so many tubes and wires—like some horrible science experiment. She wrapped her arms around herself. “The doctor wouldn’t tell us—”

          “Please leave,” Karai said quietly, her voice sounding groggy, though her eyes were alert.

          April blinked in surprise. Casey looked a little shocked from his vigil near the door.

          “But—”

          “I just want to be alone.”

          “Karai, I just want to know if you’re okay. The doctor wouldn’t tell us anything when we passed him in the hallway.”

          Karai closed her eyes, brows furrowing momentarily before her gaze snapped open and focused back on April, piercing her like daggers.

          “Do you really want to know what the doctor said?” she asked, her voice still groggy but stronger.

          April nodded. “Of course I do.”

          “He informed me all about the surgery—that I’d damaged my spine and they tried to relieve the pressure around the spinal cord.” Karai’s voice was gradually sounding more and more alert, but each passing word sounded colder and colder than the last. “Apparently, my spine was severed at the C4 vertebrae.”

          “I don’t—”

          “I can’t move,” Karai snapped, closing her eyes tightly. “I’ll never be able to move again!” Tears fell past her eyelashes and along the sides of her cheeks and just shy of her ears before falling to the pillow. “The doctor said that I’m paralyzed from the shoulders down. He poked me with a pen, kept asking me if I could feel it. I couldn’t. I couldn’t feel anything.”

          “Oh my god,” Casey breathed.

          April looked devastated and shook her head slightly. “Karai—”

          “ _You should’ve let me drown!_ ” Karai shouted, glaring up at the red-haired girl, who took a slightly startled step back. “You should have let me _die!_ Why didn’t you just let the ocean take me?!”

          “Karai, I couldn’t do that—”

          “You should’ve let me die! What am I now? I’m _nothing_!”

          The door to the room opened, bumping Casey out of the way as the night nurse entered.

          “What’s going on in here?”

          “ _I hate you! You should’ve just let me die!_ ”

          “Karai, I couldn’t do that!” April sobbed back, holding herself tightly. She hiccupped a little when the nurse took her by the shoulder and moved her away from the bed and towards the door.

          “Okay, you two need to leave now,” the nurse said not unkindly. “She needs her rest.”

          “ _I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!_ ” Karai continued to yell as the nurse ushered April and Casey out of the room. Casey readily enough exited into the hall, looking awkward and uncomfortable. April was silently sobbing, her eyes wide, shock plastered across her face.

          “Please don’t take what she’s saying to heart; she’s in shock,” the nurse said quietly as she released April shoulder. “Go home, get some rest. She’ll be well taken care of.” Then the nurse turned to go back into the room, closing the door behind her.

          April remained standing in the hallway, facing the doorway where she could still here the other girl sobbing and screaming—almost drowning out the soothing calming tones of the nurse attending her. She remained gazing at the grains of the wooden door in shock, tears pouring down the sides of her face, nails digging into her own arms. Karai’s screaming gradually faded and eventually died out altogether; maybe the nurse had given her something to help her calm down.

          She heard the slight squeak of Casey’s shoe on the tile as he moved behind her. She barely registered the hand on her shoulder as her ears focused to hear any sound from the other side of the door. Was Karai okay? It was so quiet.

          “C’mon, Red,” Casey said quietly, pulling her carefully back away from the door and steering her down the hall towards the exit. “I’ll walk you home.”

          “I can’t go home,” April said quietly. She felt like part of her had died, but she also didn’t feel very much at all. It was a strange sensation. “I have to see Splinter… He should know…”

          “I’ll go back and talk to Splinter,” he assured as they left the hospital. He wrapped his arm around April’s shoulder as they walked through the city. “You just go home and get some rest, okay? Get yourself cleaned up.”

          “This is all my fault, Casey.”

          “No, it isn’t.”

 

\---

 

          The atmosphere of the sewer lair was heavy and subdued when Casey returns. It had been tense before, but now, now it was hard to describe, but it sent uncomfortable chills along the teenager’s arms and legs. It was so quiet. The television was off; the games blinked and flashed their lights but made no sound. He looked around.

          Leonardo was pacing back and forth below the dojo stairs, occasionally glancing up them as if debating whether or not to go up and check on Splinter. After a moment, he would continue his pacing, obviously having decided it would be better to leave the old rat alone.

          The lights were on in Donnie’s lab, but no sounds could be heard. Casey wondered if the other turtle was just in there to get some away-time, to properly deal with his own emotions.

          On further inspection, Casey could see Mikey sprawled out on the tire swing that hung over one of the smaller pools, head lolled back, worried eyes open and gazing blankly up at the concrete ceiling. He looked like he’d been crying.

          And, as for Raph, well, he was nowhere to be found.

          “Hey,” he called, feeling almost sinful at breaking the silence.

          The atmosphere changed almost immediately when he drew the attention of Leo and Mikey.

          “Casey.” Leo crossed to him quickly, and, with a rattle of chains, a grunt, and a slight splash, Mikey was soon joining them too.

          “How’s Karai?” the youngest turtle asked, red-rimmed eyes wide and cheeks puffed out slightly as his mouth thinned into a worried frown.

          Casey sighed, running his fingers over his hair and tugging his bandana off with a jerk. He shoved it unceremoniously in his pocket. He was tired. He hadn’t realized just how tired until right then.

          “Not good,” he said quietly.

          Leo’s shoulders drooped slightly and Mikey deflated altogether, a small whimpering sound escaping him.

          Casey closed his eyes and pressed his index finger and thumb roughly against them, almost reveling in the burn and pressure of it. “She was hurt bad, had to have surgery. The doctor thinks that she’ll be okay, but there’s no guarantee yet.” He sighed, dropping his hand and looking miserably at them. “And, even if she is, who knows what quality of life she’ll have.”

          “What do you mean?” Mikey asked.

          “I don’t feel right telling you.” Casey looked at Mikey; he seemed so much smaller than usual. He liked Mikey—he liked all the turtles—though he felt like he got along with Mikey more than the other turtles did. But in that moment, he couldn’t help but feel that Mikey really was just a kid. Yes, he was roughly sixteen, but in reality, Mikey was just a really sensitive kid with the biggest heart in the world.

          “But I do have to tell Splinter. I promised April that I would.” He sighed, looking up at the dojo. He could see that the lights were on, and the weight of climbing those concrete steps pressed down upon him, making his knees want to buckle. How could he possibly face Splinter, tell him what had happened to his daughter? They had all been through so much. It wasn’t fair. Why did this keep happening to them?

          “Should I go tell Donnie and Raph?” he heard Mikey whisper to Leo as he began climbing the stairs, his feet dragging as he did.

          “I’ll tell Raph. You go tell Donnie,” Leo replied quietly.

          Casey wondered how Raph would react. Donnie would be upset, like Mikey, but, unlike Mikey, he’d start thinking. That was just like him—always thinking, always planning, and always trying to make a bad situation better. Donnie really was a good guy.

         

          When Casey stepped into the dojo, he was surprised to find Splinter there. He was sure that the rat would be in his room meditating, but, no, he was standing below the tree in the middle of the dojo, looking up into its branches. He was holding his walking stick tight, claws dug in slightly, and wrist looking tense. Casey wondered if he’d been pacing since that first phone call all those hours ago. His stomach churned and guilt gnawed at him.

          Not only had they survived and dealt with a lot over the last few months, but Splinter had been hurt—badly. There had been a few hours where they’d thought that he was going to die. When it was clear that he wouldn’t, they’d all sort of laughed—secretly, quietly to themselves of course. It had almost seemed ridiculous that they’d thought he’d leave them at all. Splinter was so strong. But now that Casey looked at him, he saw really him, almost for the first time.

          Yes, Splinter was strong, but that didn’t mean he didn’t suffer. He looked weathered, like a tall rock that had been beaten and broken down by a constantly churning sea. He was slightly stooped, favoring his injured leg and side, and resting most of his weight on his uninjured leg and walking stick. His ears were slightly drooped back, and his whiskers hung low. He looked small.

“Master Splinter,” Casey called quietly.

The rat’s ears twitched and perked slightly as he turned to look back over his shoulder, and Casey wondered if he hadn’t heard him come in.

“You have news?” he asked. He didn’t sound hopeful, but rather resigned to whatever news Casey had brought him. It made the guilt churning in Casey’s stomach writhe all the more violently.

“Karai is okay at the moment,” Casey began awkwardly. This wasn’t something that he was good at, and this certainly wasn’t how he usually dealt with upsetting things like this. Usually, he went out and broke things—or people. He wasn’t used to having to handle things so delicately. “She had to have surgery. I think it was sort of touch-and-go for a little while, but the doctor got her through it well enough.”

He could see the strain behind the rat’s brown-red eyes, and the slight quiver of whiskers and nose that betrayed agitation.

“According to the doctor, Karai hurt her spine. I… I don’t remember exactly where or what it was called but, she’s…she’s hurt pretty badly.” Casey blinked rapidly, remembering the way Karai had looked in the hospital bed, how angry she’d sounded as she screamed at April, how dead in the eyes April had looked when he’d left her apartment. “She’s paralyzed.”

Splinter blinked at him and his form seemed to deflate before his eyes. Both his hands had to grip hard at his walking stick to keep his balance. Casey jerked forward, ready to grab him if he needed, but Splinter managed to keep himself upright. His ears drooped low, eyes wide as he gazed, unseeing, at the decorative dojo floor.

“I’m so sorry, Master Splinter. I-I don’t know anything else, I don’t… I don’t know what’s going to happen.” He wished that he could say more, do more, offer up some words of hope or comfort, but he felt completely drained. He didn’t think there was anything that he could say or do—certainly nothing that would comfort the other man.

          Splinter held up a hand and waved away his apology, shaking his head slightly. “No, there is nothing to apologize for.” He lowered his hand and straightened himself a little more, looking down at Casey. “What has happened has happened. It is over, and there is nothing that can be done about it. We must accept and move forward.”

“But how?” Casey felt himself slipping into exhausted misery. Now that he’d left April safe at home, he couldn’t keep the strength and hope up any longer. “What are we going to do?”

“I do not know,” Splinter admitted, shaking his head. “But we have survived worse, and so we will survive this. We will do whatever we must.” He nodded, then turned and slowly made his way towards his small room. “We will do whatever is necessary for Miwa.”

 

\---

 

          “I can’t believe this,” Donnie muttered, standing with his arms hanging limply at his sides. He felt as though he’d been hit by a truck.

          Leo stood nearby, leaning against the back of the sofa, arms crossed, and looking upset. “I know. It’s hard to believe.”

          “It isn’t fair,” Mikey mumbled. He was leaning over the back of the sofa, holding tightly to his teddy bear and looking miserable. His eyes were puffy and red and he sniffed occasionally.

          “Maybe it isn’t as bad as Casey said,” Raph said, desperate for it all to be a lie or a mistake. Surely, Karai couldn’t be lying alone in a hospital bed, paralyzed and helpless. She just couldn’t be.

          “We don’t know how bad it is. Even Casey doesn’t know,” Leo pointed out.

          Raph huffed and kicked at the edge of the sofa, hissing and cursing under his breath at the pain that shot up his toe. “I can’t believe this. This sucks!” Raph snapped, sitting down heavily on the sofa and rubbing his toe.

          Mikey whimpered and sniffed again. Leo reached over and patted him on the back of the shell. Donnie turned and began walking back towards his lab.

          “Where are you going?” Leo asked, causing the other turtle to pause.

          Donnie glanced back over his shoulder and gave a slight shrug. “To start planning.”

          “Planning?” Leo asked.

          “What planning?” Raph snapped, frowning in the taller turtle’s direction.

          Donnie turned fully back towards his brothers, gesturing around the lair. “Look at this place. If what Casey said is true, and Karai really is paralyzed, there’s no way she could live here.”

          The other three glanced around.

          “She’d never be able to get around here on her own. There’s stairs and ledges everywhere, not to mention narrow passageways.” He turned and began marching towards the lab again. “I’m going to start planning renovations. Maybe we can make this place a little easier to get around.”

 

\---

 

          April didn’t sleep well that night. She mostly went around on autopilot. Her father urged her to shower while he got her salty and sandy clothes into the laundry. She went through the motions, but she wasn’t really aware of herself, or her actions, or the passage of time. She didn’t get out of the shower until her dad knocked on the door and called to her that he’d made her a warm cup of tea.

          She left her hair hanging sopping wet when she left the bathroom in a cloud of steam. Her pajamas clung to her damp skin, suffocating her. She tugged at her shirt collar and wriggled in her seat as she absentmindedly sipped at the too-hot tea, not really tasting it.

          Her skin felt dry, cracked, as though the ocean water had stripped her not of a day’s worth of moisture but a week’s, or even a month’s, perhaps a lifetime’s. She scratched at her dry cheek, feeling skin flakes gather under her nails. She soon abandoned her tea in favor of picking at her nails. She them out idly, not even paying attention when she chipped a few of them.

          “Are you going to bed?” her father asked when he passed her in the hall.

          She didn’t respond, just turned into her bedroom.

          “Honey?”

          She closed her door and shuffled towards her bed, not even bothering to turn on her light. She climbed onto the mattress and collapsed atop the covers, pressing her face into her pillow before rolling over onto her back.

_“You should’ve let me drown!”_

_“I hate you! You should have let me die!”_

          April closed her eyes tightly, feeling the dry, irritating itch behind them. She knew she couldn’t cry anymore; there were no more tears to shed. She’d cried herself out.

          Karai’s words echoed harshly in her mind, stabbing into her thoughts like knives, cutting her right down to her marrow. She never could have let her die; she could never let anyone die. She would always, always try and save someone in need. But she couldn’t get the image of Karai’s anguished face, the hate in her eyes out of her head. She couldn’t stop seeing her small body laying motionless in that hospital bed, hooked up to tubes and wires—lifelines, all lifelines tethering her there on the mortal plane.

          She could hear the beeping, whirring, and wheezing of the machines. She could smell the disinfectant. All of it swirled and collided in her head to paint the most depressing and disheartening picture in her mind’s eye.

          “I’m sorry, Karai,” she mumbled. Her lips trembled as she pulled her pillow over the top half of her face, her chest rising and falling a little more rapidly. “I’m so, so sorry. I’m sorry that I couldn’t help you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t save you. I’ll never fail you again. Never,” she whispered into the darkness of her room. It was a promise, an oath—something she would hold herself to from that moment on.

          April fell into an uneasy sleep not much later. Her dreams were disturbed and dark. All ocean waves and white noise, and occasionally a bright faraway light that she could never seem to keep track of. She knew that that light was where she needed to be, where she had to get to.

          _“April.”_

_“Karai?”_

          April pushed hard against the tug and pull of the dark water around her, bubbles blinding her or sneaking their way into her nose. The light that she struggled towards never seemed to get any closer, no matter how hard she kicked her legs or swung her arms. With another wave of white noise, April tumbled and the white light was no longer in front of her.

          _“April…”_

 _“Don’t worry! I’m coming!”_ April shouted, a cloud of bubbles bursting from her mouth and blinding her as she tumbled end over end in search of the light.

          Once she’d located it, she struggled as best she could to try and reach it—to reach Karai. Karai was in that white light. She was, April was sure of it!

          _“April!”_

 _“I’m coming!”_ April cried, tears welling at the corners of her eyes like pearls and floating up and away from her. She thrashed, but instead of going forward, she was being steadily dragged backwards. _“What?”_

          She twisted and found that her ankle was tangled in oxygen and heart-monitoring cords. Their other ends were at the bottom of the ocean, connected to something below. She peered through the water. Laying sprawled and ghost-like on the sandy bottom…was Karai.

          _“Oh god.”_

Karai turned her slack, ghostlike face up towards April, lifting a limp hand to tug slightly on the cords.

          _“You should have let me die.”_

_“No!”_

         

          “No!”

          April bolted upright, pillowing falling to the floor with a dull thump. Her hair and clothes were plastered to her in a cold sweat. She looked around the room in a panic, her gaze catching the neon lights of her alarm clock; it was almost six in the morning. Pressing a hand against her chest, feeling her rabbiting heart, April sniffed and felt tears streak down her face. A soft sob escaped her but she quickly bit it back and wiped her tears.

          No. She wouldn’t cry anymore! She had to be strong—if not for herself, then for Karai.

 

\---

 

          “Do you really think we’re going to be able to do this?” Raph asked as he looked over Donnie’s notes on what they could do to make the lair safer for when Karai returned home. It was a long list.

          “Well, I don’t know.” Donnie huffed, running a hand over his head. “Probably not all of it. At least, not right away. Sure, it’ll take some time, but we can start now and at least get the ball rolling.”

          “What if Karai—” Raph paused at the harsh look his brother shot him. His own expression softened and he lowered the paper. “Casey said nothing was for sure yet,” he said with a slight shrug.

          Donnie nodded and looked away. “Yeah. Exactly. Nothing’s for sure right now. That’s why we prepare now.”

          Raph sighed and looked back at the list. He knew that Donnie was just working in hopes of distracting himself. It wasn’t the worst coping method in the world. That was partially why he’d agreed to go along with his brother and map out the lair, making note of what they’d need to do and what they _could_ do right now.

          “Okay, whatever you say, Don.” He sighed, scratching at the back of his own neck as they walked, jotting down notes. “I just hope all this preparation isn’t for nothing,” he muttered under his breath.


	4. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note: It’s been a while—for which I apologize—but I’m back, and will hopefully be updating on a more regular basis. My summer job is winding down now, so I’ll have more free time to dedicate towards writing and art (thank god). I hope you enjoy this chapter of Finding Miwa.
> 
> Also, thanks as always to my amazing beta-reader <3

 

Chapter Four

            Karai had never been much of a crier; crying was a waste of energy, and time. Why cry when you could push forward, beat back whatever it was that had dropped you to the ground? But that philosophy was harder to follow now—now that she was down, now that she couldn’t get back up.

            Karai was trapped—trapped in her own body, trapped in the hospital bed, trapped in her private little room. She felt smothered by medical equipment and chemicals.

            When she wasn’t in a medically induced haze, she was painfully aware of her surroundings, almost hyper-aware of all the little whirring and beeping sounds from her monitors—her lifelines. Painfully aware of the stillness of the room and how separated she felt from the world beyond her door. She could sometimes hear motion out in the hall, nurses and patients and doctors moving past her room, but she was still alone. She felt abandoned, as if she were alone on a deserted island, watching ships blindly pass her by.

            She felt hopeless, and so she cried. She cried long and hard, sobbing and screaming because no words could properly describe what she was feeling. She’d cry until a nurse would come in and fiddle with the IV drip, and then everything would grow fuzzy. She hated that nurse.

            But then, when she was still fuzzy-headed but not entirely checked-out, she’d berate herself for crying like a baby. She was better than this! She didn’t cry! Crying was for babies and weaklings. She wasn’t a baby! She wasn’t weak! But that argument would fail and the cycle would start all over again.

            Karai never cried when the doctor was there. She always sat, stone-faced, not looking at him as he explained all about her surgery, and how she was healing. He’d go on and on about how lucky she was to have survived the accident, let alone the surgery, and how, once she’d recovered from the operation, they could really start focusing on her therapy and her options. He was a friendly guy, great bedside manner, but Karai hated him too.

            She hated how conflicted she felt—feeling alone and abandoned as she sat in her room for hours, but then feeling annoyed and aggressive whenever the doctor or nurses would bother her. She wished she knew what she wanted: Did she want to be alone, or did she want company?

            After she’d come out of the surgery, and she’d lashed out at April, Karai had felt terribly guilty. Not at first, but by the next evening she was in tears about how mean she’d been to April. She knew that it wasn’t April’s fault—even though part of her still hated the red-head for not just letting her die—and she deeply regretted saying that she never wanted to see her again. April was such a good person. She deserved better, and, if Karai ever got the chance, she’d tell the other girl that.

            The first few days was the hardest. Between the crying, self-loathing, and being doped-up on medications, Karai could hardly keep herself straight. She’d wake up, have whatever the nurse was calling breakfast, then she’d be checked over. She hated that. Sure, she couldn’t feel anything when the nurses moved her around to check or clean her, but then they’d always give her a high dose of medication. They’d say that the pain was causing too much stress, but she couldn’t even feel the pain. It made her wonder if they just drugged her so they wouldn’t have to deal with her. It wouldn’t have surprised her.

            Karai always slept through lunch—half the time she’d miss most of the day altogether—, and her meals weren’t exactly memorable enough to distinguish the different days by.

            “Alright, there you go. All cleaned and ready for bed,” the night nurse said pleasantly, easing Karai back down onto her pillow. “How’s that?”

            “Fine,” Karai muttered, shaking her head slightly and then wiggling her nose. The nurse adjusted her oxygen tubes for her, and Karai sighed out a thank you.

            “Do you need anything? More medicine?”

            “No, I’m… I’m fine,” Karai quickly assured. “Can we— Maybe we can skip this dose?” she suggested, eyeing the nurse. She was perhaps the one Karai hated the least. Her name was Stella. She was a pear-shaped woman with short wavy blonde hair and bright green eyes. She had a kind face, and a cheerful attitude without being obnoxious about it. She also didn’t tolerate any of Karai’s tantrums; Karai could respect that.

            “Hmm,” Stella hummed. “Well, we can push it back a little while, but you’re still getting it before it gets too late.”

            “How’s three o’clock sound?” Karai asked with a hopeful smile, which made the nurse chuckle.

            “Alright, hun, three o’clock. It’s a date.” Stella tucked the blanket over Karai’s shoulders before making sure she could reach the emergency pull with her teeth should she need to call her. Then, once she was sure Karai was settled and not in need of anything, she took her leave, closing the door behind her to give Karai some privacy.

            With a sigh, Karai closed her eyes and pressed her head back into her pillow. Her head and neck were about the only things she could move, and even her neck was a bit hard to move at times. Karai knew she was hurting, even if she couldn’t feel the pain anymore. She knew that her body was recovering, and that the hospital staff were just trying to do their jobs, but she hated the pain medication. She hated that she was asleep all the time, hated how fuzzy it made her feel. Honestly, more than anything, she hated that she couldn’t feel anything, and that the medication made feeling that much more difficult. Her body was paralyzed and numb; she didn’t want her mind to be numb all the time, too.

            It was well after midnight when Karai felt herself drifting off to sleep, mostly out of sheer boredom and emotional exhaustion than actual sleepiness. But then she heard a very quiet sound.

            She blinked, glancing towards the door to her room. It was closed.

            She frowned, wondering if perhaps she’d imagined the sound as she was drifting off, but then it happened again. It was almost like a scuttling sound, quick _whip-whip-hip-hip-whip_ sounds. It almost reminded her of nails scratching on wood.

            The sound came again, and then a loud popping sound outside her window made her heart jump in her chest. She turned her head as best she could to look at the window, eyes wide, heart beating rapidly. She couldn’t see anything, just the dark but softly-illuminated New York sky.

            Then her window opened. Beneath the initial panic coursing through her that made her heart monitor beep a little more enthusiastically, she realized that the loud popping noise had been her window screen being removed.

            As her window slid all the way open, a figure appeared in it. It climbed in quietly and slid the window shut behind it. It took her just a few seconds to realize who it was. The moment she did, tears welled up at the corners of her eyes.

            “Father.”

            “Miwa.” Splinter slid the hood off his head and looked down at her, stooping beside her bed and gently running a hand over her hair.

            Her tears fell, and he made a quiet soothing sound as he pressed his own forehead against hers, still lightly petting her hair.

            Karai couldn’t even feel guilty about crying then; she didn’t care anymore. She was scared, she was exhausted, and she was hurt, and now her father was there. He was there in her hospital room, comforting her. Now she wasn’t crying just because she was hurt—because her future was uncertain—, but because she’d never realized how badly she’d wanted this. So she let herself cry, and she didn’t bother feeling ashamed about it. She cried, and Splinter comforted her.

            Once Karai’s crying had died down and her tears had sputtered to a stop, Splinter moved away only to pull a chair up beside her bedside. Karai noted how tired he looked, how low his ears and whiskers drooped as he gazed at her. If she looked close enough, she was certain she could see little trails where potential tears had disturbed the fur beneath his eyes. Had he been crying over her?

            “You’re here. You’re really here,” she breathed, her voice wet and hoarse from crying, her nose stuffed up and eyes sore.

            “Yes, of course. You are my daughter, I could not leave you here to recover alone.”

            “But what if someone sees you?” she asked, sudden fear and panic crawling into her voice. What if Splinter was discovered? What if he had to make an escape, what if she were moved and he couldn’t find her, what if—?

            “You are more important to me than my own safety, Miwa,” was his simple but firm reply. He placed a hand over hers, his ears drooping slightly as he wrapped his fingers more firmly around hers. “You cannot feel me, can you?”

            Karai sniffed, blinking away a few stray tears, and shook her head.

            Splinter’s ears drooped but he lifted her hand in his own so she could see their fingers interlocked. “Even though you cannot feel it, remember, so long as I am alive and able, I will always be here to hold you.”

            She sniffed again, louder now, and nodded her head. A few more tears escaped past her lashes and slid down the sides of her face and into her ears, making her twitch. That was the downside to constantly crying while lying on your back: her ears were always wet.

            “Thank you.” She sighed weakly as Splinter reached forward and gently wiped away her tears.

            He let her hand rest on the bed, his fingers still wrapped around hers, and shook his head. “I love you, Miwa. We all do. Your brothers have been quite upset these past few days. They are all dealing with this in their own way, but they will always be there for you as well.”

            “But what if… What if I don’t get better? The doctor mentioned physical therapy, but he didn’t go into much detail since he wants me to recover from the surgery first, but… What if, even with physical therapy, I don’t get…” Her voice trailed off and she sniffled loudly, her breath hitching in her tight throat.

            “We are your family,” Splinter replied, leaning forward in his seat to look at her more closely. “We will always be here for you. No matter what happens, we will help you. Donatello has already been working on plans. I do not know what sort of plans, but he is already working to help you.”

            Karai couldn’t help but smile. She felt bad putting her family through all of this, through this pain and worry, but she was comforted by the fact that they were still here for her. She wondered what would have happened to her had she still been with Shredder, or the Foot. Would they have been so ready to help her, even with the future so uncertain?

            “Donnie’s a good guy,” she said with a smile and a sigh.

            There was a beat of silence between them

            Then she said, “I did a stupid thing, Father. I yelled at April. I…screamed at her.” Her voice was quiet, small, broken. “I told her that she should have let me die, that I never wanted to see her again.” Her breathing stuttered as she inhaled sharply. “H-Have you seen her? Is she okay?”

            “April has not been to the lair, and, from what Casey has said, she has not been to school either.”

            “God, I was so mean to her,” Karai said miserably. “It was so stupid. It wasn’t her fault, but…I was so angry. What if… What if I never get to apologize to her?”

            “There is no way of knowing what might happen, but April is a good person. I am sure that she is just dealing with this situation in her own way.” He gently ran his claws through her hair, brushing it out. It looked like someone had tried to tame it a bit, but hadn’t had the time to properly sort out the mess that was her hair. “You should rest, Miwa. You look very tired.”

            “Don’t go,” she whimpered, but her eyes were already beginning to droop at the sensation of his claws running over her scalp and through her hair. It was the first time since she’d been there that she really felt like she was feeling something.

            “I will remain by your side for as long as I am able. I will certainly be here until you sleep,” he promised, gently pressing the top of his muzzle against her cheek.

            She made a tired sighing sound as his nose left a cold spot on her cheek. “Thank you.”

            “Sleep now, my dear Miwa.” 

\-----

            Splinter made it back to the sewer lair just before dawn. He’d lingered in his daughter’s room as long as he figured he could. He’d disappeared out the window and to the roof for a short while around three a.m. when a nurse came to check on Miwa, but he returned afterwards to keep vigil at her side.

            Entering the lair found Splinter immediately swarmed by his sons; he supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised.

            “Master Splinter, where were you?” Donnie asked.

            “Did you go and see Karai?” Leo chimed in, looking a little worse for wear; Splinter briefly wondered if the oldest turtle had been awake all night.

            “Is she okay?”

            “How is she?” Mikey and Raph asked together, both looking worried.

            Splinter sighed, feeling exhaustion settle in his bones. “Yes, my sons, I went to see Karai.” They followed as he crossed to the living room and sat heavily down on the nearest sofa. “She is still recovering from her surgery, so she is still very weak, and heavily medicated.”

            “Did you get to talk to her?” Leo asked.

            “Yes. She was awake when I got there. She is worried about the future, and, admittedly, so am I.” He sighed, letting himself melt back into the sofa, and momentarily catalog all of his aches and pains. His injured leg and side were particularly sore. He supposed that he shouldn’t have been surprised about that; scaling the side of the hospital building probably wasn’t the best idea in his condition, but it was the only way he could have gotten into the hospital without proper planning.

            “Don’t worry, Master Splinter,” Donnie said, sitting down on the sofa next to him and bracing his shoulder; the lean turtle offered a small, weak smile. “I’m working on plans to get this place in tip-top shape for her when she comes home, no matter what shape she’s in.”

            Splinter smiled at his son before looking at the other three turtles, all standing around him with varying looks of hope and exhaustion. “Thank you, my sons. Yes.” He straightened up and reached out to grip Leo’s forearm, placing his other hand on Donnie’s shell. “We must be prepared, regardless of what happens. But first, I think we could all use some rest.”

            “Master Splinter, do you think we could go and see Karai at the hospital too?” Mikey asked as the old rat rose from the sofa with a sigh.

            “If you are very careful; you must not be seen,” Splinter reminded before placing a hand atop his youngest son’s head. “But I do not see why not. I think she would be glad to have a visit from her brothers.”

\---

            Karai’s spirits were beginning to rise over the following week. Splinter visited her almost every night. And, when he didn’t, the turtles did. The first night that they visited, Karai woke to find their dark figures hovered around the end of her bed, eyes the only visible bits of them reflected in the light of the monitors.

            “Leo,” She said with a smile, the oldest turtle easing along the side of her bed with a weak smile of his own.

            “Hey, Karai. Glad you’re awake. We were all really hoping to see you.”

            “I’m really glad to see you guys, too,” she assured as the other three gathered around her bed, all voicing their concerns and how glad they were to see her. Raph went on and on about how good she looked, that her color was good; she looked a little tired, is all.

            Karai told them all about what was going on with her—as best as she could, anyway; she didn’t entirely understand it herself. She explained the spinal injury, that it was bad but that she was recovering from the surgery at a good rate. She explained to Mikey what all of the machines around her bed did for her, and told Donnie what medications the doctors had her on.

            Afterwards, she asked about them, wanting to know how they’d been, if they’d been working nights in the city—they hadn’t—or if they’d seen Casey or April. She tried not to act too concerned about April; if she did, she knew she’d cry again, and she didn’t want to cry in front of them if she could help it.

            “Casey’s been around every day after school,” Donnie said. “He’s been training really hard. I think it’s his way of dealing with this. He’s just as worried about you as we are.” He tapped her IV bag curiously before looking down at her. “We, uh, haven’t seen April. She hasn’t been around.”

            “Oh.” Karai looked down, pressing her chin against her chest and focusing on the stitch-work of the blanket that covered her. Splinter had mentioned that April hadn’t been around, but she’d been hoping that, after a few days, maybe she would’ve returned to the lair. She really hoped that April wasn’t going to completely abandon her training, or the turtles; it wasn’t their fault that their sister was a terrible person.

            “Don’t worry too much about April,” Raph said, gently bumping Karai’s shoulder. “She’s disappeared before, mostly because Donnie messed up—”

            “Hey.”

            “Okay, we _all_ messed up. She’ll be back. She probably just needs time to work through what happened. I’m sure she’s just really upset.”

            “Yeah. Probably. I guess that’s it,” Karai said with a nod, though she wasn’t entirely convinced. She was sure that April hated her, and would never want anything to do with her again. That was fine; Karai deserved that. But she really hoped and prayed that April wouldn’t abandon the turtles.

            “If… If you see her, would you tell her something for me?” she asked looking at the turtles

            They all nodded.

            “Would you tell her to keep practicing? She’s getting really good.”

            “Of course,” Leo assured.

\---

            “Donnie, do you think this is going to work?” Raph asked, straining as he and the taller turtle carried heavy metal beams through the sewers.

            Donnie took several long moments to reply, panting as he did so. “I don’t know for sure. They’ll have to be measured, cut to size, and then fitted. Of course, after all that, there’s still the case of making sure they’re stable and adding either more metal or concrete—maybe wood. Though it’s so damp down here, I’d rather stick to a material that isn’t going to swell and rot away.”

            With a grunt, the two turtles dropped the heavy metal beams just outside their sewer lair. They’d accumulated a considerable amount of scrap metal over the past few weeks—all of which had been piling up outside their home.

            “I’m leaning more towards concrete. Casey says he could probably get the ingredients. We’d have to mix, mold, and pour it ourselves, but, I mean, I’ve built bigger and considerably more complex things in the past. It shouldn’t be too hard.”

            Raphael frowned at the taller turtle and shook his head slightly. “Are you so sure that Karai’s never going to walk again?”

            “Huh?”

            “I mean, you’ve been designing and redesigning ramps and walkways for the lair for weeks. We’re gathering up materials… I mean, you’re talking like she’ll never walk again,” he stated, not sounding too terribly accusatory.

            Donnie frowned and looked away, brow ridge creased slightly. “Honestly, I don’t know if Karai will ever walk again. Her injuries are pretty severe. Sure, we’ve all bounced back from worse, but she’s human, Raph.” He gave a slight shrug of his shoulder, not meeting the other turtle’s green gaze. “I hope she’ll walk again, but, even if she does, there’s going to be months’, maybe even years’, worth of recovery time ahead of her. Steps and stairs would be difficult for her. Ramps and walkways would make her recovery considerably easier. I just… I don’t want this to separate us, Raph,” he admitted, his eyes tearing up as he finally looked at the stockier turtle. “I mean, regardless of how any of us feel, Splinter just got Karai back. She’s his daughter. They’re family, I mean…”

            “I know what you mean,” Raph said with a nod, looking slightly uncomfortable as he looked towards their ever-growing pile of scrap metal.

            “I want Karai to be able to come back and live here with us no matter what. If that means I have to retrofit the entire lair, so be it. I’ll work day and night if I have to,” Donnie said seriously, voice firm, a stray tear managing to escape and slide partway down his cheek before he could wipe it away.

            “Well, you won’t have to work alone,” Raph assured, turning his back on the taller turtle and heading back down the tunnel. “C’mon, we’ve got more scrap to collect.”

            Donnie couldn’t help but smile as he followed his brother back down the tunnel, wiping away another stray tear and sniffing quietly.

\---

            Karai’s spirit seemed to soar every time she received a night visit from her family—whether it was from her father, the turtles (two or even four at a time). She’d even been thrilled when Casey had arrived for a two-and-a-half hour visit earlier in the day. She hadn’t realized just how starved for some sort of non-medical attention she was until they appeared, and then it seemed to be all-too obvious.

            “The doctor talked to me today,” she said.

            Splinter was seated dutifully at the side of her bed, and looked up when she spoke.

            “He said that, in another two weeks, I can start therapy. Nothing major, just…sitting up.”

            “You sound uncertain,” Splinter said.

            “He sounded sort of uncertain himself when he was talking to me,” she mused. “I guess sitting up is going to be a chore. There’ll be this rigging… He warned that it might hurt, or I might get sick… Is it wrong that I’m scared?”

            “No,” Splinter assured, taking her hand and holding it, even though she couldn’t feel it. “It is perfectly reasonable for you to be scared right now. This has been a very traumatic incident in your life, Miwa, and the next weeks and months, are going to be very difficult.”

            “The nurse has me doing breathing exercises.” She sighed, closing her eyes against the swell of tears and emotion. “Long deep breaths, counting, it’s…harder than I thought it would be. I didn’t really notice at first, but, without the oxygen, I’m pretty short of breath.”

            “Try not to get discouraged. You are still healing. It will all take time.” He shifted to the edge of his seat and gently began petting Karai’s hair, her eyes drifting closed immediately.

            The hair petting, as silly as it seemed, was a great comfort to her. She could feel it.  Whenever her father visited, he would pet and brush her hair, and she looked forward to it more than she dared admit, even to herself.

            “I’ll keep trying. I won’t give up.”

            “I know you won’t. You are a very determined young woman,” Splinter teased with a smile, and Karai smiled back.

\---

            Being at the hospital was difficult, but Karai was adjusting—grudgingly—to her life there. Every morning, two nurses would come in and wake her up, wish her a good morning, ask her how she was feeling. While she dully replied to the ceiling about the nightmares she kept having, they’d change her catheter and clean her up. It was awful not having control over her own faculties and, even after nearly a month in the hospital, it still made her burn with embarrassment. At least she no longer cried after.

            After she was cleaned up, it was time to check on her surgical recovery and some new bandages. They checked her for bedsores, kneading carefully at her shoulders, shoulders blades, and occasionally asking if she could feel anything. She could never feel more than a slight pressure in her shoulders. After a quick wipe down—she got a sponge bath every three days—they’d change her bedding and then settle her back down.

            Then there was breakfast. Meals were a bigger chore than Karai liked to admit. There were a lot of soft foods, things that could be easily swallowed and she wasn’t likely to choke on, but she still struggled to get them down. The nurses explained that difficulty swallowing wasn’t uncommon in cases such as hers, and assured that it was something that they’d be working on during her therapy sessions.

            Once breakfast was over with, it was time for her breathing exercises. Karai hated these. Her heart would race whenever the nurse would remove her oxygen, but she did her best to do as the nurse instructed. Big gulps of air in, hold for a long five seconds, then out, then repeat. After a few minutes of that, take in a big gulp of air, then another, one more, hold for a long five seconds, then out, and repeat. She did these exercises twice every morning after breakfast, and twice every evening after dinner.  The nurses explained to Karai that, due to the injury to her spine, the muscles in her chest cavity were partially paralyzed as well, making breathing difficult, and coughing nearly impossible. They said that that was why the breathing exercises were so important; they would help strengthen her lungs, and her chest muscles.

            Between whole ordeal of exercises, attempting to eat at least two meals a day, being cleaned at least twice a day, and medication, Karai was left terribly exhausted by the end of the day. If the nurses weren’t telling her to do one thing or another, or having her answer stupid questions, or take more medication, she was sleeping. She didn’t mind too much sleeping during the day anymore—mostly because there wasn’t much else to do, but also because then she at least had a little energy at night when her father or brothers dropped in for a visit.

            The nurses had commented that her spirits seemed to be a bit higher lately. They were certainly glad for it, but couldn’t seem to think that one visit from a boy could be the complete cause of it—unless he was her boyfriend, they’d tease, which would cause Karai to blush and cringe and shake her head. Or as much as she could, anyway; the doctor had told her to limit her head movements as much as possible, at least until her surgery wounds healed.

            Of course, Karai couldn’t tell them that she was getting regular visits from her father and four brothers; she supposedly didn’t have a family, or not any in America. But at least she knew that her slightly lightened mood was thanks to her family. It would seem that love and humor—mostly thanks to Mikey and her father—were great coping methods.

\---

            “Wakey, wakey!” Casey cheered in a loud whisper as he slipped into the room, carrying a fresh bouquet of flowers.

            Karai couldn’t help but beam. “Casey.”

            “Oh good, you’re awake,” the boy said with a smile, pulling old flowers out of the vase across the room and putting the fresh flowers in. He didn’t visit as often as everyone else, but he brought her flowers whenever he did. Karai could admit that the boy was growing on her; he really did have a good heart, and he was proving to be a good friend.

            “I was hoping you would be. I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing.” He dragged the chair from the corner of the room up to her bedside and sat down, hunching over his knees as he looked at her.

            “Oh, you know, I’ve been better.” She laughed weakly. “I’m…okay, for now. Tomorrow might be a bad day, but today’s been okay,” she said with a slight nod.

            “Well, I’m glad that today’s been okay. School’s been awful, as per usual. But I went on patrol last night. Beat up some Purple Dragon punks for you.”

            “Aw, thanks.” She smiled at him. “Hope you beat ‘em extra hard.”

            “Of course.”

            Karai looked at him, and could tell that he felt uncomfortable. She couldn’t blame him. This wasn’t exactly something that your average teenager—not that any of them were average—ever had to deal with. But Casey deserved props; he tried. He tried so hard.

            “Have you seen April?”

            “Um, yeah, I actually saw her today.” He sat back in the seat, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “She uh, looked good. I mean, tired, but good. I think she’s okay. We didn’t get to talk much.”

            “Oh, well, that’s… That’s good. Um, if— If you see her again, will you make sure she goes back to the lair? I think she really needs to be with you guys, training and stuff.”

            He nodded. “I’ll see if she wants to go,” he assured. “Karai, don’t blame yourself okay? I mean, the things you said, you were—”

            “I was a bitch.”

            Casey gave a forced smile. “I wasn’t going to say that.”

            “You could’ve; it’s true.” Karai sighed. “I never should’ve said those things. It wasn’t her fault; she just did what she thought was right—what any sane person would have done. I just wish I could take it back.”

            “C’mon, April can’t really think that you meant any of that. I mean, considering what happened…”

            “I hope she doesn’t,” Karai cut in. “I really, really hope she doesn’t.”


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

            April had been on-edge the entire day. She’d barely been able to pay any attention to any of her classes, and only gave Casey half of her attention during their shared lunch period. She knew that he’d had been trying to encourage her to go back to the lair with him later that night. When she’d only given him a noncommittal noise, he’d gone on and on about how that was where she belonged. She agreed—she really did—, but she couldn’t go back. Not just yet, not after what happened.

            She still felt terrible about what had happened, and partially blamed herself. She knew that she shouldn’t, but if she’d just insisted that they leave when she’d wanted to, if she hadn’t let Karai stay in the water longer, maybe… Maybe everything would have turned out differently.

            “Casey, I promise I’ll be going back I just… I can’t face Master Splinter yet,” she said, coming back to herself and turning her full attention to Casey.

            He gave her a grim, worried look. “Red, you know he doesn’t blame you, right?”

            “I— That’s not the problem, it’s just… There’s something that I need to do first, before I go back, before I can go back,” she said firmly, clenching her hands into fists on the tabletop. “Once it’s done, I’ll… I’ll be back, I promise. Please tell them all not to worry. They have enough on their plates worrying about Karai; I don’t need them worrying about me too.”

            “Of course they’re going to worry about you, Red. You’re part of their family—our family. Worrying is what families do best,” he said, gripping her shoulder and looking at her with the most open and honest expression she’d could ever remember seeing on his face.

            “I know.” She smiled, reaching up and gently gripping his hand. “Thanks for worrying about me, Casey, but really, it won’t be much longer. I promise.”

\---

            The walk back to the apartment didn’t take nearly as long as April would have liked, and she soon found herself crossing over the threshold into her home. She looked around the small apartment she shared with her dad—the dad she’d lost and fought for more times than she cared to think about, the dad who supported her training and her friendship with the turtles and their strange but wise human-sized rat dad. Her father really had been through a lot, but he’d come through, and he really _was_ supportive, she just hoped that he’d understand what she was doing, and why she needed his help.

            “Hey, honey. How was school?” her dad asked as he walked into the kitchen, where he was already getting things ready for dinner.

            April dropped her bag and took a deep breath, shadowing him as he moved around the room. “It was fine,” she lied, and leaned against the counter as she watched him pull out pots and pans from the cupboards. It looked like he was going to be making April’s favorite—tuna fish casserole. “Hey, Dad, can— Can I talk to you for a minute?”

            “Sure, sweetheart, what’s up?” he asked as he set a pan on the stove and sprayed it with non-stick cooking spray. She watched as he cut open a bag of frozen broccoli and dumped it all out into the pan, where it sizzled and began to steam.

            “You know how I mentioned…a few days ago that my friend… My friend Karai got hurt?”

            “Yes. Is she okay? Have you heard anything else?” Concern laced his words as he glanced over his shoulder at her. He stirred the thawing broccoli around the pan, the sizzling vegetables almost creating white noise between them.

            “Um, no, I haven’t. I haven’t gone back to see her.”

            “What?” He turned the stove down and turned his full attention to her. “April, that’s not like you.”

            “I know, I know it’s terrible, but… She blames me. She blames me, and I know deep down— I know deep down that it isn’t my fault, that this is just…one of those terrible things that happens. Just a bad thing that happened to a good person for no explainable reason. But she doesn’t want to see me.” April felt her eyes burning, but she sniffed and blinked away the tears, looking up at her worried father. “Instead of going against her wishes, I’ve been focusing on her hospital bills.”

            “You’re too young to be worry about something like that, April.”

            “But, Dad, they’re going to be huge!” April said, smacking her hand down on the countertop. “She doesn’t have insurance—no family, nothing, and it isn’t like the turtles and Master Splinter are made of money. They live in the sewer, for God’s sake!” She quickly took a calming breath. There was no need to start screaming at her dad; for one thing, she still needed his help. “Dad, the last few nights I haven’t been going to train with the turtles…”

            “What, you haven’t? Then where have you been?”

            “I’ve been breaking into Shredder’s old businesses and stealing whatever money I could stuff into my backpack, pockets, anything.”

            “You’ve been what?” The look of shock on her father’s face almost made her feel ashamed, but she didn’t have the energy to feel ashamed—not after the last few weeks she’d had.

            “Karai’s hospital bills are going to be huge—between the ambulance, the surgery, the room, the therapies, the care… All of it is going to be way too much for Splinter and the turtles to handle. So, I was thinking…maybe you could take the money and start up a monthly billing plan?”

            Her father stared at her in silence for a long few moments, and April feared that he’d yell at her, or tell her how irresponsible and stupid all of this was. Instead, he turned to the stove, turned the flame back up and got back to preparing dinner.

            April’s heart sank into her stomach. She was just about to take his silence as his answer when he spoke to her from in front of the stove.

            “It’s too late to go and do that today. I have to finish dinner, and I _do_ want to talk to you more about what you’ve been doing. But I’ll go first thing Monday morning and work something out.”

            April beamed and dashed around the counter, wrapping herself around her dad’s back in a tight hug. “Thank you, Dad! Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

            “Okay, c’mon now, don’t burn yourself,” he laughed, easing them both away from the heat of the stove.

\---

            Karai wheezed as the nurses and physical therapist eased her back down into her bed. Tears were burning the backs of her eyes and escaping down her cheeks, and they certainly weren’t helping her breathing.

            “It’s okay, it’s alright. You did really well for a first attempt,” the physical therapist assured. He was a tall, gangly man with a long narrow nose and circular glasses that reflected the hospital’s florescence lights.

            Karai wheezed again and hiccuped as she was settled back. The nurses adjusted wires and cords, making sure that everything was in order. “I just don’t know why I’m crying.”

            “It’s normal, sweetheart,” one of the nurses assured. “Even if you can’t really register the pain below the shoulders, you’re still in pain.” She wiped a cool cloth across Karai’s forehead. “But you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself. This was your first attempt at sitting up since your accident; it’s going to take a long time to build up any sort of strength.”

            “Be proud of yourself. You managed for a good ten minutes, and that’s a start,” the physical therapist added with a small smile, but Karai didn’t feel good about it—not at all.

            When her doctor told her that they’d be starting physical therapy finally, she was determined to put her all into it. She was going to get better, or at least improve. But, after only ten minutes, she’d begged to get out of the sitting contraption. It was nothing more than a simple cloth elastic harness that wrapped around her midsection and back and held her up in the sitting position—nothing that should have been to uncomfortable, but Karai couldn’t handle it.

            “We’re going to give you some medication now. Try and relax, you did very well,” the second nurse said as she fiddled with Karai’s IV. The effects were almost immediate; the moment the drugs hit Karai’s bloodstream, her head felt as if it were sinking into her pillow and her vision grew fuzzy. Morphine could be such a bitch sometimes. It always knocked her on her ass.

            Karai didn’t know what was worse—the drug-induced sleep or the nightmares she faced when she wasn’t drugged. Both left her feeling exhausted and more drained than before she went to sleep. She supposed though that she hated the drug-induced sleep more, because then she wouldn’t get to visit with her family. She’d always know if they’d been there, because her covers would be drawn just a little higher, or the curtains were a little more open than they had been when she’d gone to sleep. Once, she’d even seen that a “Thinking of You” card drawn in crayon had been left by her flowers across the room. She was almost certain that it was from Mikey.

 

            “The physical therapy’s just begun and it’s already kicking my ass.” She gave a heavy sigh, trying to blink away the tiredness that rested dryly against her eyes. Splinter was back, and sitting with her for the evening. “I didn’t think it would take so much out of me, or that it would be so hard. I mean…” She shook her head a little and looked over at her father. “It’s just sitting, and even then it’s barely that. I mean, I’m hooked up in an adult version of a baby’s sit-and-bounce, just suspended there in the seated position. But…god, I don’t think I’ve ever felt weaker.”

            “You must remember, my daughter—your body has gone through a considerable amount of trauma. Not just from your accident, but from the surgery as well. Prolonged bedrest will have also put you under some strain. You must not be too hard on yourself,” Splinter reminded gently. “You must give yourself time to heal, and to regain your strength. Perhaps, in a few weeks, you will notice that the exercises will get easier. How are you doing with your breathing?”

            “That’s probably the easiest exercise,” Karai said with a slight snort. “But even that still tires me. I get winded really easily without the oxygen. The nurses are constantly reminding me that that’s normal, and I shouldn’t get discouraged.” She closed her eyes and sighed, letting the waves of mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion wash over her. Never before had she ever felt so tired—not during training, or during a fight—never.

            “Tell me about home.” She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at Splinter, “What’s been happening while I’ve been away?”

            “Leonardo and Casey have been going on nightly patrols in search of remnants of the Foot Clan, with little luck. The city is quiet, but the two find plenty of petty criminals to occupy their time. Donatello, Raphael, and Michelangelo have been working on refitting the lair for when you come home.”

            “They have?” 

            “Yes, they’ve been very diligent. Donatello works hard night and day, spending every waking minute on retrofitting things to make your return to us easier on you. Raphael, too, spends most of his time working with his brothers. He would say that he’s just there to be the muscle, but he is hardly fooling anyone; he’s worried about you too.”

            “That’s so sweet,” she said with a smile. “Who would have guessed…” She chuckled. “What about Mikey?”

            “Michelangelo is determined that, not only should the new fittings to the lair be functional, but aesthetically attractive as well.”

            “Good ol’ Mikey.” she teased. “And what about you?” Her question caused Splinter’s ears to twitch slightly. “How have you been?”

            “Do not worry about me.” He shook his head, reaching forward and gently placing a hand over her own. “You just focus on healing yourself.”

            “But how can I do that if I’m worried about you? How are your injuries coming along?”

            “Stubborn,” Splinter teased, shaking his head again with a wry smile. “I am recovering gradually. I’ll be just fine.” He reached forward to pet her hair, and hummed as he ran his claws through the thick, dark strands. “Your hair is growing, and the color is fading.”

            “Is it? I haven’t had much time to look at myself.”

            “Hmm, yes. Perhaps when you are finally home, we could help you get it back the way you like it,” he mused, scratching gently over her scalp and making her eyes drift closed.

            “Maybe…” she hummed. “Maybe I’ll just let it grow out,” she mumbled. She stifled a yawn before letting herself be engulfed by sleep, comforted by the repeated petting motions of her father.

            There would be no nightmares tonight.

\---

            April paced up and down the sidewalk outside the hospital, biting at her nails and chewing on her lip. Her father had picked her up right after school, and the two of them had driven straight to the hospital. He’d gone inside perhaps fifteen minutes earlier to talk about setting up a monthly payment plan for Karai, but April hadn’t worked up the courage to go in yet—even after he’d suggested maybe swinging by Karai’s room to see how she was doing.

            April wanted to tell Karai that she wouldn’t have to worry about the medical bills—if she was worried about that at all. Honestly, April couldn’t decide if it was something that the other girl would have the time or energy to worry about right then. She planned on at least telling Splinter later, knowing that that would take some weight off of the old rat’s mind—or at least she hoped as much.

            Looking up at the tall building, April chewed on the inside of her cheek, nails digging into the flesh of her arm. Should she go in? Should she see how Karai was? Would Karai even want to see her? She still remembered how upset Karai had been the last time she’d seen her—the anger and misery reflected in her golden eyes.

            Then April steeled her nerves, screwed up her courage, and walked through the automatic doors. She had to see Karai, at least one last time, just to get everything out in the open—then she’d let things fall where they may.

            She poked her head into the payment service room, where her dead was seated with an elderly woman wearing cat eyed glasses. She said quietly that she was going to go visit Karai, and her dad gave her the go-ahead and wished her luck before saying he’d wait for her in the parking lot once everything was settled.

            As she made her way through the bright sterile hospital hallways, looking for the right elevator that would take her to Karai’s floor, April went over everything she wanted to say in her head, and hoped that the tight lump in her chest would loosen up. She boarded the elevator and leaned against the wall with her hand pressed against her breastbone, taking steady breaths as the elevator took her up, up, up.

            Everything would be fine. She’d already resolved to accept the other girl’s ire and hate if she had to, but she had to at least get everything off her chest—reassure Karai in some small way—, but she was terribly nervous. Karai had been her first real relationship, her first girlfriend, her first romance, and it had only really lasted a week. And then just like _that_ everything had changed—their relationship, their friendship—it was all over.

            April’s heart skipped a beat as the elevator doors opened with a loud ding, drawing her abruptly out of her emotional musing. She’d reached Karai’s floor.

            She crossed from the elevator to the nurses’ desk, where she asked about Karai and where her room was and if she could see her. The woman behind the desk, a smiley but obviously exhausted blonde faun-looking young woman, was polite and answered all of April’s questions before pointing her down the hall. April thanked her and made her way down the hall towards her destination.

            Her heart beat rapidly against her ribcage, and the lump that had been in her chest seemed to have made its way to the pit of her stomach. When she reached her door, she paused, hesitation freezing her in place. She gazed at the closed door, taking in all of the marks and grain of the wood as she remembered the last time she’d stood outside this door. The sounds of Karai screaming and crying seemed to echo at the back of her head and she had to close her eyes for a moment to regain herself.

            _Get it together, O’Neil. You can do this. You can face whatever waits for you beyond that door,_ she thought to herself sternly, opening her eyes and squaring her shoulders. She could do this. She knocked a steady three times before pushing open the door and crossing into the room.

            The room was brightly lit, the light from the open window bouncing off of the white and gray walls and catching the flowers in the vase on the table across the room. It all looked a lot more cheerful than the last time she’d been in there. Then she spotted Karai.

            She was dozing in her bed, black hair spread around her head like a halo, lips slightly parted as she slept. She was still connected to all of the machines—all those beeping and whirring lifelines—, but some color had returned to her cheeks, and she looked better than the last time April had seen her.

            Wrapping her arms around herself, April crossed the room, pausing just shy of the end of Karai’s bed, and cleared her throat. With a soft puff of air and a small sound, Karai roused herself and blinked in April’s direction. It took a few seconds for realization to come to the other girl’s eyes, but, once it did, her gaze locked onto April.

            “April?” Her voice sounded quiet, almost weak, perhaps a little surprised.

            April released her arms and stood tall. “I know that you said you never wanted to see me again, and I know that you blame me for this, but…there are just a few things that I need to say, and you need to listen. I promise I’ll go once I’ve said my peace,” she said firmly as she forced herself to gaze steadily at the girl in the hospital bed. “I just wanted to let you know that you don’t need to worry about the medical bills, or any of the expenses for the surgeries, medication, or therapies. Whatever it is you have to do to get better, it’s taken care of.”

            Karai’s eyes widened slightly.

            “And I’m going to tell Master Splinter and the turtles as well—none of you need to worry about it. I’ve taken care of it. And—and even if you never want to see me again…” April’s voice began to tremble slightly, but she clenched her fists and pushed forward. “…just know that I’m here for you. If you ever need me, I’ll be there to support you. You won’t have to go through all of this alone.” She trembled slightly and closed her eyes. “I know you blame me, and you’re probably right, but…I couldn’t just walk away and leave you to suffer through this alone. So, I just wanted you to know, you don’t have to worry. Goodbye.”

            She turned on the spot and headed for the door, her nails digging into her palms, shoulders trembling. She knew if she didn’t leave now, she’d burst into tears, and she didn’t want Karai to see her cry—not after everything that’d happened.

            “April, wait.”

            April paused at the door, still trembling, wondering if she’d heard right. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw Karai watching her, her golden eyes glassy. She turned to look more directly at her, worry and surprise washing over her in turn as tears slid down Karai’s cheeks.

            “Don’t go,” she whispered. “I’m sorry. I don’t blame you, I swear I don’t.” Her breathy voice trembled as she spoke. “I’m sorry that I ever said those awful things, and I’m sorry that I hurt you. I understand if you want to go—I won’t blame you if you do—I just… You needed to know that I don’t blame you.”

            “Karai.” April moved away from the door, barely daring to hope that they could get past this—that Karai would let her help her, support her, help get her through this.

            “You don’t need to help me, April, you really don’t—but please don’t give up on your training, or the turtles. They miss you.” She sniffled through her tears. “I… I’ve missed you,” she admitted, biting her lip.

            “I’ve missed you too,” April admitted back, feeling her shoulders slump as the tension drained from her body and tears of her own slid down her cheeks. “I’ve missed you so much, Karai. I’ve been worried sick.” She stepped up to the other girl’s bed and leaned her thigh against the mattress.

            “Me too,” Karai wept. “Can you ever forgive me?”

            “Can you forgive _me_?” April sniffled, reaching for Karai’s hand and only hesitating a moment before taking it firmly between her fingers. “For staying away for so long? I knew I should have come back sooner, but I couldn’t—not until I was sure I knew what I was going to say.”

            “I’m the one who should apologize.”

            “Can we both just agree neither of us have handled this well and move on? Please?” April asked with a hollow laugh.

            Karai laughed too, wheezing slightly as she did. “Yes.”

            “Are we okay?” April asked. “Can we be okay? I still care for you, Karai. I still want to be with you.”

            “We’re okay,” Karai assured with a slight nod.

            April leaned over the bed and hugged her gently, pressing a kiss against her forehead. “Thank god.”

\---

            April ended up spending the entire visiting period with Karai, talking to her, listening to her talk about the turtles’ night time visits, how Splinter had been helping her deal with nightmares, and the awful experiences with her recovery and physical therapy. April knew that Karai was scared—she’d said so herself—, but April wasn’t afraid anymore. Not now, not after being able to just sit and look at her. Karai would be just fine—of that April was sure. Maybe she wouldn’t recover entirely, maybe she’d be limited—very limited—but she was alive, and April intended to keep her that way.

            “When you’re out of here, when you’re better enough to go home, I’ll help you with your therapy. And I’m sure the others will too,” April said, gently brushing Karai’s hair away from her face. “And, next time I visit, I’m bringing a comb. These nurses aren’t doing your hair any justice.”

            Karai laughed at that—a light, wheezing sound, but a happy sound nonetheless. “I’m really glad to see you, April. You have no idea how much I needed to see you.” She sighed, exhaustion evident in her voice.

            April smiled. “Me too, but I’m gonna go now. I owe the turtles a visit myself; I’ve been avoiding them too,” she admitted. “And I’d rather leave before the nurse has to come and chase me away with a broom.” This got another airy, wheezy laugh from Karai. “I’ll be back soon—a lot sooner than last time, I promise.”

            “Okay, please do.”

            “Please rest.” April leaned down and pressed a kiss to Karai’s cheek before pressing their foreheads together. The two closed their eyes and just soaked in the much-needed affection and compassion; they’d both been seriously lacking in the affection department—at least this sort of affection. “I’ll see you soon,” she said, standing up and smiling down at her.

            Karai was already beginning to doze, her eyes fluttering against the urge to drift off. By the time April reached the door, she was fast asleep.

            April released a long sigh of relief as she stepped out into the hall. Everything was going to be okay.

\---

            When April returned to the parking lot, it occurred to her just how long she’d been in Karai’s, and the sight of her dad dozing in the driver’s seat made her wince. She quickly rounded to the passenger seat and knocked on the window. Her dad woke from his doze and, sitting up straight, unlocked the door.

            “Dad, I’m so sorry,” she said as she slid into the passenger seat and put on her seatbelt.  Guilt churned her stomach when she spotted the can of coke and half-eaten microwave burrito in the cupholders.

            “No, it’s okay,” her dad assured with a yawn as he stretched in his seat, groaning as his stiff muscles tried to loosen up. “You needed to see her, honey. I take it things went well?”

            April felt heat lick at her cheeks lightly as she looked at her lap. Then she looked out of the passenger side window. “Yeah, things went well.”

\---

            “Donnie, this is incredible,” April praised, looking over the blueprints that the lanky turtle had shown her the moment she’d stepped into the turtle’s sewer lair. Donnie had been so thrilled to see her that he’d immediately dropped what he was doing and fetched the blueprints. He’d shoved them in April’s hands and started talking quickly and animatedly about his plans, and how things were faring so far. April was honestly gobsmacked at the details that he had managed in such little time.

            “Do you really think you can do all of this?”

            “We already are,” Raph said as he crossed over to them and gave April a one-armed side-hug. “We’ve been gathering materials for days. Even started some construction yesterday. Not saying it isn’t going to take a while to get it all done, of course… We’ll probably still be doing work even after Karai gets back, but we’ll get it done, right, Don?”

            “Right.”

            “You guys are the best,” April said, handing the blueprints back to Donnie. “Are Leo and Mikey out?”

            “Yeah, they’re patrolling the city tonight. Then they’ll probably pop in to see Karai later.” Donnie carefully began rolling up the blueprints, glancing side long at April. “So, uh, have you seen Karai, y’know, lately?”

            April rubbed her arm and shuffled her feet a little awkwardly. “Um, yeah. Actually, I went and saw her today.”

            “And?” Raph pressed, his arms crossed.

            “We’re fine. Everything’s okay. I mean, it isn’t, but it is.”

            “Good,” Raph said, giving April a light punch to the shoulder before heading back to the living room area.

            Donnie tapped the top of his blueprints, making sure they were tightly rolled, and gave April a warm smile. “I’m glad to hear it, April. I really am. I think that you and Karai talking again will take a lot of stress off of her, and let her focus more on recovery than guilt.”

            “I think you’re right,” she agreed, patting the tall turtle on the shoulder before moving towards the dojo stairs.

            It was time she talked to Splinter. No more guilt, no more avoiding it. Karai and Casey were right—they were family, and they had to stick together.

            “Master Splinter?” April asked as she poked her head into the dojo.

            She found Splinter on his rounds of the room. The old rat’s ears perked up at the sound of her voice, and he turned to look over at her. “April.” He smiled at her as she crossed the room to join him. “It is good to see you again. Your presence here has been greatly missed.”

            “I’m sorry for staying away for so long, Master Splinter. I just needed to sort through some things before I could come back,” she said, falling into stride alongside him as he exercised his injured leg.

            “I thought as much,” he said with a nod. “Casey has been quite informative with updates on your wellbeing, as well as his concerns. He did not badger you too much, did he?” the aged rat asked, looking sidelong down at her.

            April smiled and shook her head. “No. Casey’s been…remarkable throughout this entire ordeal, honestly. I never thought I’d see him come through in such a way.”

            “I would have to agree with you. Casey has shown great empathy and maturity during this crisis. His concern for you, as well as for my daughter, has been touching. All in all, despite what one might call his vices, Casey Jones is a good boy.”

            “He is,” April agreed with a nod, then she paused and looking up at him. Splinter paused as well and turned back to face her. “Master Splinter, I just wanted to come and apologize to you. I knew I shouldn’t have stayed away, and I should have come and explained—told you what happened in more detail, or…” She frowned, struggling for the words she so desperately wanted to say. “Or at least called, but I…” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “I couldn’t. I was too… I don’t know…ashamed, scared.”

            She started a little and opened her eyes when Splinter placed a clawed hand on her shoulder. He looked down at her with a gentle expression. “I understand why you stayed away, April, but that does not matter now,” he said with a slight shake of his head. “Because you are here now, and that is what matters.”

            April looked up at him for a moment before wrapping her arms around Splinter and hugging him tightly. “I missed you.”

            Splinter wrapped his arms snugly around her as well, and lightly pressed his chin against her head. “And I you, April.”

            “I’m so glad to be home,” she said against his chest. She closed her eyes, and just let herself feel the relief of being back where she belonged.


End file.
